Marines / Maines

Marines Apologize for Being Ashamed of Bush

US Marines have apologized for saying they were ashamed of their Commander-in-Chief, George W Bush. “We are currently in the country of Iraq, where US sentiment is very negative at the moment,” they explained. “He is our Commander-in-Chief, and we are required to show him respect.”

Last week the same Marines were quoted as saying, “We are ashamed of President George Bush. He wasa deserter in 1972, it was a time of war, and war-time desertion carries a possible penalty of death for chrissakes. And now he expects us to go to war against Baghdad, without UN approval? Hell, No!”

Dixie Chick, Natalie Maines, Seizes Oil Facility

Country Singer and Dixie Chick, Natalie Maines, has seized an oil facility in Southern Iraq, claiming it as a “jewel in our crown”. Maines met sporadic arms fire as she took 30 prisoners and secured the area in less than an hour. “Our songs haven’t been receiving much air-play recently, so we decided to go into a different field – oil fields. Emily and Martie are headed for Baghdad. Earl must die!”

None of Saddam Hussein’s sons are named “Earl,” and it is unclear whose life Natalie Maines was threatening with her remarks.