Wherein I beg for pity, though I know I will not get it

I am approaching my annual vacation. I leave Friday morning, and will return Tuesday January 2nd.

My parents left this morning on the exact same flight I will leave on Friday. They left their home at 5:10 am, and my father sent me an email msg from the plane saying they just barely made it to the gate on time. Security was a mess. And of course, on Friday, it’s likely to be even messier since it will be a heavier travel load. So here I am trying to figure out what time I have to leave Friday morning. Yeah, I know, you feel real sorry for me, don’t you? You feel so much pity you’d be willing to sacrifice your morning on Friday so you could go in my place. Well, thanks for the offer, but I think I will survive the suffering.

And I haven’t finished my holiday shopping. Yes, I know, Hannukah will be over by the time I get to the island. I can’t even pretend this year. My family exchanges presents on December 25th. We always have. I rationalize it’s better this way since the Jewish holiday, a Jewish holiday based on resisting assimilation, isn’t diluted with a Christian custom.

I finished most of my shopping last night at Barnes and Noble after Writer’s group, but there are a handful of gift certificates I need to pick up. Real easy, so it’s not a big deal, but I’ve only got two more days. And I have to wash all my summer clothes tonight for the trip. And stop by the post office to cancel my mail. Luckily I get off work at 4 pm, so getting to the post office before it closes won’t be impossible. It’s just going to be a very busy final two days.

Cool! You can put a hold on your mail electronically. That eliminates one stop tonight.

I could also put a hold on anyone’s mail. It wasn’t like I was signed into a registered account when I did it. Of course, I had to type my name, address and telephone number, but those aren’t difficult things to come up with. I have a huge book at home with all of that information on a lot of people. There is a little small print:


The person who prepares this form states that he or she is the person, executor, guardian, authorized officer, or agent of the person for whom mail would be held under this order. Anyone submitting false or inaccurate information on this form is subject to punishment by fine or imprisonment or both under Sections 2, 1001, 1702 and 1708 of Title 18, United States Code.

But that’s it. Of course, I know that when I go into the post office in person, and hand them a hold notice, they don’t usually ask me for my ID.