T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S.
T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. stands for Tests With Inorganic Noxious Kakes In Extreme Situations.
T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. is a series of experiments conducted during finals week, 1995, at Rice University. The tests were designed to determine the properties of that incredible food, the Twinkie.
The tests include
Resistivity
Gravitational Response
Rapid Oxidation
Solubility
Maximum Density
Radition
Turing
Yes, they conducted a Turing Test on a Twinkie to see if it was intelligent. I won’t give away the result of that one. However, to quote:
This test was designed to test whether Twinkies are intelligent. We decided to do this test last, because we “killed” a lot of Twinkies during these experiments, and didn’t want to know before the other tests were over if they were sentient.
Yes, these tests were conducted in 1995. The website was last updated in 2000. But it was new to me. (Actually I found a copy of this project in a binder buried in my office from a previous occupant. I decided to see if it was online, and yes, it was.)
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4/17/2008 - 12 Nisan, 5768 at 8:13 pm
If the Twinkies were intelligent, the fact of the demise of their kindred Twinkies in “evil” experiments may have skewed the test results. The Twinkies might have elected not to respond, for instance, nor to co-operate with mad scientists. Or, they may even have an intelligence higher than that of the researchers. The possibilities are endless.
I’m still holding out for my pet rock, that it is an intelligent being — one that is like that of my cat, but less social, for my cat is always refusing to associate with me very much, as I am such a slob — although she does like to be petted and brushed, now and then, to be fed and watered, and even to have her litter box cleaned (or else!). My pet rock seems to make very few demands on me — and thus must be very intelligent, indeed, able to take care of itself, in all circumstances, and stoically never deigning to become emotionally involved with me.