In the News

Bill Gates and family held and robbed in family home
Oprah Winfrey announces marriage
Oprah hurt in freak highway accident
Drug-related shooting leaves 2 NFL stars fighting for their lives
Trump declares bankruptcy, attempts suicide

Source: My spam folder

[Note: It’s unclear whether Oprah was in the accident before or after her announcement, or whether any of the other news stories are interconnected in some fashion.]

Update: More Breaking News from my spam folder

Tobey Maguire breaks 2 bones in leg after freak hit and run
Intel announces merger with AMD
More tapes of Scarlett Johansson surface
Britney falls during rock-climbing, injures back and arm

(I think the tapes of Scarlett are of her reporting the Intel/AMD merger news.)

0 thoughts on “In the News

  1. Blair

    The larger story that all these are drawn from goes something like this:

    Scarlett Johansson was caught on surveillance tapes after she robbed Bill Gates and family. She and Oprah are getting married in October in San Francisco.

    Donald Trump had heavily shorted AMD stock, and was left scrambling for to cover his position when the deal with Intel caused the stock price to shoot up Trying to raise some quick cash, he engaged in a questionable transaction with a couple NFL stars, but the deal went sour in a big way.

    Scarlett and Oprah’s wedding plans are in jeopardy at the moment though. Realizing that his life was spiraling out of control, The Donald stepped out into the street, in front of a moving car. That was Scarlett’s getaway car, driven by Oprah. They’d already hit Tobey Maquire after he tried to stop them (he really oughta leave the crime fighting to Spider Man), the car swerved and crashed.

    So you see, it really does all fit together. 🙂