Monthly Archives: June 2004

I’m currently using 1 MB

3 days, and I am already up to 1/10 of a percent of my gmail storage space.

That means in 300 days, I’ll be up to 10 percent.

And it will take me about 8 years to fill the entire gb.

Maintaining the same pace of the past 3 days, and deleting nothing.

Of course…we could speed this process up. I wonder if there’s a limit to the size of attachments…

I’m currently using 1 MB

3 days, and I am already up to 1/10 of a percent of my gmail storage space.

That means in 300 days, I’ll be up to 10 percent.

And it will take me about 8 years to fill the entire gb.

Maintaining the same pace of the past 3 days, and deleting nothing.

Of course…we could speed this process up. I wonder if there’s a limit to the size of attachments…

Oy Vey

The Artist Formerly Known As Madonna

Yes, apparently…she’s changing her name.

To Esther.

She says she hopes it wards off bad vibes since she was named after her mother, who died from Cancer. (It’s also possible she took into consideration that the name “Madonna” doesn’t sound Jewish. snd she is a strong believer in the “Hollywood Kaballah”)

Esther is an interesting choice. Esther from the Bible has her own book, and her own fast day, and sounds very much like Easter. (Some say that Easter and Esther sounding a lot like the Pagan goddess of spring Ostara isn’t coincidence – so it goes.) She is the winner of a beauty pageant with the prize being married off to the king. (OT version of Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire). She ultimately is persuaded by her uncle to use her closeness to the King to save her fellow Jews.

But many modern people consider the true heroine to be Vashti

Vashti of course would have been highly inappropriate for Madonna to choose as her new name — Vashti was the previous Queen who the King ordered to be executed after she wouldn’t “show her beauty” for his friends. It’s assumed by many that this is a euphemism. So Vashti had principles, stuck to them, and was executed for them. Of course, Madonna has no principles. (Or if she now does, she has an uphill battle to prove it.)

Note to Britney: If you are now considering a name change, two great choices would be Deborah, or Golda. One woman from the OT, one from Modern Israel, both commanded respect.

An entertaining interpretation of the Purim story — with a good explanation of the differences between Vashti and Esther – by Dr. Susan Block (Adults Only)

Wherein I apologize to Neo-Nazis and Spammers everywhere for recent negative thoughts

Awhile back I posted several comments on another website (and this one) regarding a campaign to replace a site that was #1 on Google with another more appropirate site through a means called googlebombing.

This blog I posted comments on, unlike most blogs, actually puts your email address on display if you happen to enter it.

About a week later my email address was flooded with spam. I mean flooded. I was getting 500 a day, and then it increased to 1000.

One might imagine the cursing I did, and most of it was directed towards neo-nazis. Since the googlebombing was directed at removing a neo-nazi website from its top berth. I made the natural assumption. Its called “Post Hoc Propter Hoc” in logic class. The assumption that since B follows A, A caused B. I know that’s not always true, but I still assumed, and I still cursed.

Until I actually started looking at the headers of the spam, and realized they were all addressed to random usernames at another domain I own — and I redirect all email from there to the address that was getting spammed.

So it had nothing whatsoever to do with my posts. Unless the neonazis were really devious, did some research on me, found the other domain I own, and decided to spam that domain, so I wouldn’t know it was coming from them. But while NeoNazis might be that devious, I don’t think they’re that smart.

What I am trying to say is that while all spammers are jerks, assholes, idiots, and a lot of other real nasty epithets I could go on all day coming up with in my mind — they aren’t necessarily neo-nazis.

So I apologize to all neo-nazis for associating you with spammers. I’m sure some of you are actually pretty nice guys. That is, when you’re not being racist anti-semitic assholes.

And I apologize to all the spammers for assuming you were neo nazis. I’m sure some of you have really good friends who are Jewish.

Jewish Humor

Supposedly Real Jewish Singles Ads

Shul Gabbai, 36. I take out the Torah Saturday morning. Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write.

Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let’s try it for eight days. Who knows?

Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light Shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important.

Orthodox woman with gelt, seeks man who got gelt, or can get gelt. Get it? I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours.

Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B’av, Taanis Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B’Teves, Shiva Asar B’Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the “fast” lane.

Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman..

Worried about in-law meddling? I’m an orphan!

Nice Jewish guy, 38. No skeletons. No baggage. No personality.

Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please.

Staunch Jewish feminist,wears tzitzis,seeking male who will accept
my independence, although you probably will not. Oh, just forget it.

Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles, havdallah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker.

Israeli professor, 41 with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.

80-year-old bubbe, no assets, seeks handsome, virile Jewish male, Under 35. Object matrimony. I can dream, can’t I?

Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me.

Single Jewish woman, 29, into disco, mountain climbing, skiing track and field. Have slight limp.

Desperately seeking shmoozing! Retired senior citizen desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling, and krechtzing. Under 30 is also OK.

One Sunny Day in 2005

One sunny day in 2005 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U. S. Marine standing guard and said: – I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.

The Marine looked at the man and said: – Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here. The old man said: “Okay” and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the ame Marine: – I would like to go in and meet with President Bush. The Marine again told the man: – Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here. The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the ery same U. S. Marine, saying: – I would like to go in and meet with President Bush. The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said: – Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I’ve told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don’t you understand? –

Oh, I understand. But I just love hearing it!

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said: – OK… See you tomorrow.

Bloomsday 100

For millions of people, June 16 is an extraordinary day. On that day in 1904, Stephen Dedalus and Leopold Bloom each took their epic journeys through Dublin in James Joyce’s Ulysses, the world’s most highly acclaimed modern novel. ìBloomsdayî, as it is now known, has become a tradition for Joyce enthusiasts all over the world. From Tokyo to Sydney, San Francisco to Buffalo, Trieste to Paris, dozens of cities around the globe hold their own Bloomsday festivities. The celebrations usually include readings as well as staged re-enactments and street-side improvisations of scenes from the story. Nowhere is Bloomsday more rollicking and exuberant than Dublin, home of Molly and Leopold Bloom, Stephen Dedalus, Buck Mulligan, Gerty McDowell and James Joyce himself. Here, the art of Ulysses becomes the daily life of hundreds of Dubliners and the cityís visitors as they retrace the odyssey each year.

Locally: Apparently, though once there was an annual Bloomsday reading in St. Louis, there no longer is.

No One Expected This…

And now for something completely different…The Vatican says the inquisition wasn’t really all that bad.

VATICAN CITY The Vatican said Tuesday that fewer witches were burned at the stake and fewer heretics tortured into conversion during the dark centuries of the Inquisition than is generally believed, but it also sought renewed forgiveness for sins committed by Roman Catholics in the name of church doctrine.

No One Expected This…

And now for something completely different…The Vatican says the inquisition wasn’t really all that bad.

VATICAN CITY The Vatican said Tuesday that fewer witches were burned at the stake and fewer heretics tortured into conversion during the dark centuries of the Inquisition than is generally believed, but it also sought renewed forgiveness for sins committed by Roman Catholics in the name of church doctrine.

Resume For Your Consideration

[Note: I did not write this resume. I have not edited it. I have not researched the truth and accuracy of all statements.]

This individual seeks an executive position. He will be available next January, and is willing to relocate.

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver’s license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been “lost” and is not available.

Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn’t find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

– I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

– I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

– I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

– With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father’s appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

– I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

– I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

– I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

– I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

– I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

– I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

– I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

– I’m proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My “poorest millionaire,” Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

– I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

– I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

– My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

– My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

– I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

– I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

– I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

– I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.

– I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.

– I’ve broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

– I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

– I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

– I refused to allow inspector’s access to U.S. “prisoners of war” detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

– I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

– I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

– I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

– I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

– I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

– I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.

– I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.

– In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

– I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

– I am supporting development of a nuclear “Tactical Bunker Buster,” a WMD.

– I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

-All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father’s library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

– All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

– All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.