Archive for 5/4/2008 - 29 Nisan, 5768

Paris Hilton is engaged. According to rumors, she won’t change her last name, but she will take her husband’s first name, and he will take hers.

I think I need to close a window.

Here are a few names to consider for those of you with children on the way:

Zuar
Helon
Abidan
Pagiel
Ochran
Ahira
Enan

Seriously, If you write science fiction, and you’re having a difficult time coming up with a name for a character, just open the Bible to a random page. Few will notice.

In Indiana, parents have been told they can’t teach their child their religious beliefs. (Because their religious beliefs are Wiccan, and Wicca is evil.)

The reason the court actually gave, provided by the “Domestic Relations Counseling Bureau”, is that the parents were sending the kid to a Catholic school, and teaching Wiccan beliefs at home, displaying: “little insight into the confusion these divergent belief systems will have upon (the boy) as he ages.”

So, logically, it follows intermarried couples can’t be allowed to raise children in divergent religious faiths. Say - Catholicism and Protestantism - as any two religions at war with each other somewhere in the world have to be divergent. And only Catholics can send their kids to Catholic schools.

It is telling that the Judge ordered the parents to stop teaching Wicca, as opposed to ordering the parents to remove the kid from the Catholic school. If he were truly concerned about the confusion of the child, and equally concerned about the religious freedom of the parents, that would have been the logical choice to make.

This decision will of course be overturned on appeal. There is almost no question that it won’t. Stupid local judges make stupid decisions like this — not all the time, but often. And they get appealed at higher court levels by judges who actually understand the Constitution.

Some Senators and Representatives are working on passing a law that may eliminate such appeals. Basically, if a lower court judge, or any state official, makes a decision because they feel G-d is the sovereign source of law, liberty, or government….then this decision stands, and can’t be appealed to District Courts, or the Supreme Court. I’m not sure the Judge in this case actually invoked G-d. And there may be some arguments as to how to interpret the wording in this law.

But if this passes, then we have a better chance at finally get rid of such evil as Wicca, and when we’re done with that, maybe Buddhism and Taoism. Anything Non-Judeo-Christian-Islamic. OK, the Muslim’s are definitely evil, too, so just Judeo-Christian.

And by that time…there’ll be nobody left to stand up.

Which is why I defend the Wiccans.

Lucas and Portman at Cannes Festival

I’ve been thinking some more about this week’s torah portion - and something strange has occurred to me.

Let’s assume everyone else is right, and this refers to all the commandments. If we obey G-d, He will make sure we prosper. If we disobey, he will do horrible things to us.

OK. But one part of the punishment rings strange. “You will eat the flesh of your sons and daughters.”

This is the verse I analogized with “your pet puppy dog” in the “World’s Worst Parents” entry. The only thing kids love as much as parents love their children.

One of those 613 commandments forbids the consumption of human flesh. Here G-d is punishing those who disobey Him, by forcing them to disobey one of his commandments.

Now that would have been a good example of irony for Alanis Morrisette to use.

As Matt says, The jokes write themselves.

The threat of blindness has been tried before with other activities. It doesn’t work.

Thus ends Leviticus. Next week’s portion begins the Book of Numbers, which means we will return to the Bibllical Narrative. We’ll be introduced to people, and see things happen to them. As a reader and writer of fiction, I love stories. I can’t wait.

Parasha - Bechukotai
Leviticus 26:3 - 27:34

26:3 to 26:11

If you are good children, follow my laws, and observe my commandments: rains in their season; the earth will yield produce, trees will bear fruit; the land will be peaceful; no one shall trouble you; even beasts will shy away from you; five of you will be able to take on a hundred of your enemies; I will be ever present

26:14 to 26:45

If you are bad children, and disobey me: You can expect consumption and fever; Your enemies will eat the seed you sow; You will flee your enemies, though none pursue

If you still disobey: the skies will become iron, and the earth copper (no rains); the earth will not yield produce, trees will not bear fruit

And if still: I will loose wild beasts against you. They will eat your children, and your cattle.

And if you insist upon being bad: Pestilence

Then: You shall eat the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters. I will make the land desolate, so that your enemies who settle in it shall be appalled by it.

It goes on, but you get the idea.

Bechukotai means “In my commandments”. The biblical equivalent of “You are lliving in my house, you will obey my rules.” or even better, “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.” But it certainly appears G-d is a strong believer in negative reinforcement.

All commentaries I have read say this is a summary of all of Leviticus, and G-d is saying we must follow all of his commandments, or suffer hell on Earth. But I can’t accept this. If G-d expects us to follow his commandments, or else, why set up a system of atonement? The Talmud says there were only four people in the entire Torah who were perfect, and never sinned. (King David’s father, Jesse. King David’s son, Caleb. Joseph’s brother, Benjamin. And Moses’ father, Amram.) So everyone else disobeyed at some point in time.

But I do see a few verses that might suggest otherwise. Since none of the commentaries I’ve read have made this suggestion, I am going to assume that this is somewhat heretical. But as far as I know, some Rabbi did make this suggestion a thousand years ago, but he’s been largely ignored.

This portion follows immediately, of course, last week’s. Last week’s was on letting the land have a year of rest every seven years, and a jubilee every fifty.

Leviticus 26:34-35: Then shall the land make up for its sabbath years throughout the time that it is desolate and you are in the land of your enemies; then shall the land rest and make up for its sabbath years. Throughout the time that it is desolate, it shall observe the rest that it did not observe in your sabbath years while you were dwelling upon it.

When I read this, I ask myself: Why bring this up? If we are summarizing the entire book of Leviticus, with all of its laws, why mention this one specifically? Or…put another way…Why does G-d assume that this law has been disobeyed?

There are 613 commandments. It’s easy to obey a handful, and disobey several hundred. Unless…unless these verses are only applying to the commandments immediately preceeding them.

The rewards for obeying all pertain to the land. Trees bearing fruit, earth yielding produce. Even Peace can be viewed as an extension of this. The punishments are also, to a large extent, agriculture oriented.

Why would this commandment be seen as so important that if we disobey it, G-d would do such horrible things to us?

If asked what the holiest of Jewish holidays is, many gentiles might guess Hannukah, due to its conjunction on the calendar with their holiest. But actually, it’s a very minor holiday. Some might guess Rosh Hashana or Yom Kippur, if they knew that these holidays are often called “The High Holy Days”. But even they are overshadowed in importance by another holiday: the Sabbath.

Some might object and say the sabbath comes every week, so it’s not a holiday. But sure it is. Just because the holy-day comes once a week, doesn’t mean its not holy. (And that is the derivation of the word.)

And if G-d’s commandment for us to rest is so important, G-d’s commandment for us to allow His land to rest could logically be seen as even more important.

The only problem with this interpretation is it has generally been declared that this commandment doesn’t need to be followed in the Diaspora, and only applies to Israel. And religious Israelis from what I have read often work around the commandment by pretending to sell their land to a gentile for a year. This almost certainly wouldn’t fool G-d. And I see myself heading on a very dangerous Pat Robertson-like path.

I’m not willing to accept that what I read in the daily news is a punishment from G-d.

MLB.com : 2005 All-Star Online Ballot

For those who didn’t know there was an online voting form for the All-star game, there is.
You can vote up to 25 times.

(And perhaps if you toss your cookies, and change your name/email info, 25 more.)

Son, Daughter:

If you follow our rules we will provide you with food, shelter, clothing.

If you don’t, we will whup your ass. If that’s not enough, we’ll stop giving you food, make you walk around naked. If that’s not enough, we’ll force you to eat the flesh of your pet puppy dog.

We are your parents, who gave birth to you. We are your parents.

The above is a slight paraphrase of something I’ve been reading recently…more later.

A fun primer on Abusing Amazon images

It will teach you how to create images such as this one: (The image below is not hosted on my server, or Amazon’s. It is pieced together using code Amazon uses for its URLs.)

Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson, has recently been given the title of Honorary mayor of Northridge, California. (Just in case you might have read a news story somewhere that suggested something else.)

U.S. Bank to open in all metro Schnucks - 2005-05-25

This is of course good news if you own an account with US Bank.
But if you own an account with Bank of America, which currently has their ATM machines in several Schnucks stores, this will probably be considered bad news by you.

Unless, of course, you don’t live in the Metro St. Louis area, in which case you will likely have no interest whatsoever in this blog entry.

It looks like I will actually have to learn where the actual bank buildings are. I’ve gotten so used to banking while I shop for groceries.

“The most surprising plot twist in Star Wars III was:

1. Anakin becomes Darth Vader.
2. Amidala has twins - a boy and a girl!
3. Yoda and Obi Wan go into hiding.
4. Jar Jar didn’t get killed!
5. There were no guest appearances by Scott Bakula.

As the guy I work with said earlier today, “bachelor parties aren’t for the guy getting married, they’re for his friends.”

I went to a ‘bachelor party’ last night, and there wasn’t any nudity whatsoever.

Oh, I had fun, don’t get me wrong. 2 guinesses, pasta, and great conversation. But that’s not a bachelor party — that’s a night out with some friends. And it was a great night out with friends, in case any of them are reading this.

When I get married, I will make it clear to my best man, that when he arranges my bachelor party, there has to be some female nudity involved. Not for me, as I am sure I will be more than satisifed by my bride-to-be. But for my friends. Hooters isn’t sufficient by the way.

Rant done.

It looks like Star Wars Episode III will be the first movie to make 500 million in a single week - worldwide. (It naturally helps that the worldwide release was simultaneous to cut down on piracy.)

So, how much does the movie need to make worldwide to break Titanic’s record?

If you’re in America, your answer would be $1.845 billion.

But in Britain your answer would be .01845 billion.

Those wacky British insist that the numbers go hundreds, thousands, millions, thousand millions, billions. So their billion is our trillion. (Some Brits actually use “Milliard”instead of “thousand millions”. And most Americans would probably think a Milliard was a duck, or if they knew a little history, a former President’s first name.

Sunscreen causes cancer, and unprotected sun helps prevent it.

Kind of like that glass of wine a day that’s supposed to help, but if you drink 5 glasses a day, that’s not good anymore. A little unprotected sun a day might actually be good for you, so you don’t really need sunscreen unless you’re going to be out in the sun a lot.

A museum in the Eureka Springs, Arkansas depicts Adam and Eve co-existing with dinosaurs in the garden of Eden.

Apparently, according to The Guardian (not the most reliable news-source in the world), a recent Gallup poll showed 45% of America believed the world was created by God 10,000 years ago. I knew there were people who still believed this, but that figure sounds high.

John Scalzi, on his blog, has an intriguing entry on the future of the writing industry:

Listen to me now: Writers are not in the publishing industry. The publishing industry exists to handle the output of writers and distribute it in an effective and hopefully profitable way; however it does not necessarily follow that writer’s only option is the publishing industry, especially not now. Congruent to this: Books aren’t the only option. I write books, but you know what? I’m not a book writer, any more than a musician is an LP musician or an MP3 musician. The book is the container. It’s not destiny.

He talks about Penny Arcade, a website that freely distributes a regular comic strip - and sells related merchandise and advertising. The comic strip, since it’s distributed free of charge already, is un-piratable. That is, if someone puts a copy of a strip on their own website, or emails it to someone, all it does is drive more people to the Penny Arcade site.

Scalzi doesn’t believe the doomsayers who say publishing is going to die, but he does advise the up-and-coming author to pursue multiple revenue streams. I think I agree as I know I am not the only individual who enjoys curling up with a book, as opposed to a computer screen. But, on the other hand, there is a generaton of SF/Fantasy readers who have grown up reading fan-fiction online.

There are a lot of different possible containers. For example, I have a CD of Allen Ginsberg reading his poetry, with Paul McCartney and a few other musicians playing guitar backup. In an “age of piracy” that model might not work. But I suspect that CD (entitled, Ballad of the Skeletons) added to the audience for Ginsberg’s poetry from what he had prior. I’ve been considering for awhile creating a CD with some of my poetry on it — and selling it through CafePress or CDNow. My biggest problem is I don’t believe I have a ‘marketable’ reading voice, even though I have been performing at open mics for over 10 years.

A note — according to the website, Scalzi is my age, though I read something he wrote for the first time, ten years ago, in 1995. I received it in an email that was forwarded across the universe. If you had an email address at that time, you probably received it. He had written a piece for the Fresno Bee. It was basically a letter to Newt Gingrich concerning his infamous comment about woman soldiers, their ‘infections’, men soldiers, their urge to hunt giraffes, and their urge to wallow in mud like a little piglet, He had conducted a poll to see how accurate Newt was. I uncovered a printout of that article in a box this weekend, and went searching for his name on the internet.

Howard Hughes discovered her.
She was supposed to be Universal Studio’s answer to Fox’s Marilyn Monroe
She appeared in”Slackers”, “Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women” and “Sex Kittens Go to College”
She is 74 years old
She has a blog.

Sleep Well Tonight, America

Really, we can all rest better knowing that when the shit hits the fan, they don’t tell The First Half-Wit. Yesterday, when the Secret Service thought the balloon was going up because a Cessna 150 had violated White House air space, they let Weenie continue his bike ride in a Maryland wildlife preserve and didn’t tell him of the emergency until after it was over. The Little Librarian was at home entertaining Nancy Reagan, and the two of them were sent downstairs to the White House bunker. Meanwhile, Tricky Dick Cheney, America’s Defacto President, was sped away in a limo to his secret bat cave. It’s rather comforting to know that in a crisis, Geo. Weenie will be the last to know. That way he can’t fuck it up and he can dodge any blame when others do.

If this is really her blog, as opposed to an impostor’s, it’s a hoot.
Here’s a pic of Mamie from a few years ago:

Behar (cont)

First, for an illuminating discussion on Jubilee and debt relief every 50th year, visit The Velveteen Rabbi. (And thanks to Anna, for recently pointing out the blog to me.)

The Velveteen Rabbi mentions something in her entry I hadn’t noticed in this week’s portion, even though it is something many of you might have: “Proclaim liberty throughout the land, for all of its inhabitants…” (Leviticus 25:10) These words are inscribed on the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia. Our nation’s forefathers were quite literate in the Torah.

Those who follow the link at the top of this post will see a slightly different translation. The Jewish Publication Society (JPS) translation uses the word ‘release’ rather than “liberty”. The text is talking about slavery. It’s shocking to some to see the Bible refer to the proper treatment of slaves, but it would be illogical to expect anything else from a text that is thousands of years old. Still, every 50th year, liberty was proclaimed for all inhabitants. Those who read closely will unfortunately discover “all” didn’t really mean “all”, and referred mostly to what we would today call indentured servants. As in neighboring societies, true liberty took some time.

There is some related commentary by a 16th Century Rabbi, Rabbi Dovid Ben Zamra (Radbaz). He was asked by a letter writer about a slave the individual owned from Ethiopia. (Responsa, vol. 2 no. 219, vol. 7[(Divrei David] nos. 5, 9) The slave owner had noticed some disturbingly familiar customs, such as lighting candles on Friday night. They wanted to know what was going on, and what they should do. The Rabbi wrote back that the slave was likely a Jewish descendant of the Tribe of Dan, and had to be released. But he added, while he realized some societies permitted slavery, the individual should really consider whether it was appropriate to own any slaves. He didn’t rule that all the slaves should be released, but suggested the individual seriously consider their options.

[Those who follow the link in the paragraph above will find a discussion on the Jewish ancestry of those from Ethiopia who refer to themselves as ‘Beta Israel’ or ‘House of Israel’. There is a brief reference to the Responsa described above, but not a full description or text. I read this responsa several years ago, in English, and I am not sure where I read it. I’ve looked at my usual source material in vain. I am unable so far to find the text, and I am describing it completely from memory. This often is not a good thing for me to do. I am assuming, based on what I have read in the link above, that it is the same source. If anyone can find an online version of this text, preferrably in English, I’d be appreciative.]

—–

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be, For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulleth edge of husbandry. ” Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act I, Scene III (Polonius).

“If your brother becomes impoverished and his means falter in your proximity, you shall strengthen him — proselyte or resident — so that he can live with you. Do not take from him interest and increase; and you shall fear your G-d — and let your brother live with you. Do not give him your money for interest, and do not give your food for increase” Leviticus 25:35-37. (This too is a slightly differing translation I prefer. ‘Brother’ is used in a general sense, which includes friends, not just relatives.)

The Bible is quite clear. Shakespeare was wrong. We are to help our friends when they are in need.

Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki (Rashi: 1040-1105 CE) explained that its much easier to prevent merchandise from falling off a friend’s donkey’s back than it is to help your friend pick everything up once it’s fallen.

Note: Part II of my Parasha commentary (if the word ‘commentary’ is even appropriate), will actually focus less on Jubilee years and debt relief, then on a handful of verses taken out of context that have provoked some thought in me. One even directly contradicts a popular quote from Shakespeare. (Like a lot of quotes from Shakespeare, many people probably think the quote comes from the Bible. As you will see, Leviticus actually disagrees strongly with Shakespeare…or more accurately, his character, Polonius.)

With some encouragement from readers, I’ve decided to continue my weekly Torah Portion reading.

For this weekend’s Parasha, I’ve been doing a little internet research, and came upon this midrash:

I haven’t deciphered yet what ‘Rabbi’ S. Lee had in mind. Her Marvel Bio says nothing about the equation 7 * 7, but as this portion deals a lot with property and ownership, I am sure the use of the Hollywood Mall was intentional.

[More Tomorrow]

(the title is a slight modification on a line from the movie)

I saw Ep 3 this morning (12:01 am to 2:30 am, but I showed up at the theater around 6 for the pre-show entertainment)

here’s a pic a fellow blogger took I am sitting to the left of the individual holding the light saber. (His left.) There are a few other pictures of my friends on the blog, though that’s the only one I appeared in since I didn’t bring a light saber, cool costume, etc.

There were a lot of people who applauded at certain spots in the movie, which led me to question, “Why?”

I know why people applaud at plays — so the actors hear their appreciation.
The actors on the movie screen can’t hear you though.

Luckily, the applause never drowned out a line. If that had happened, someone would have been killed. (And one of the applauders was sitting next to me, so it would have been a simple crime.)

Oh…the movie…it was good. Maybe even Very Good. Worth the price of admission.

I was asked after the movie - “Was it worth the wait?”
My answer: “Not worth 22 years.”

Apparently the questioner was only thinking about waiting 6 hours.

From the Massachussets Lawyers Weekly

Case: Doe v Moe. Essex. November 20, 2003. - May 16, 2005.

Facts. The summary judgment record, viewed in the light most favorable to the plaintiff, Coveney v. President & Trustees of the College of the Holy Cross, 388 Mass. 16, 17 (1983), establishes the following facts. The plaintiff and the defendant were in a long-term committed relationship. Early in the morning of September 24, 1994, they were engaged in consensual sexual intercourse. The plaintiff was lying on his back while the defendant was on top of him. The defendant’s body was secured in this position by the interlocking of her legs and the plaintiff’s legs. At some point, the defendant unilaterally decided to unlock her legs and place her feet on either side of the plaintiff’s abdomen for the purpose of increasing her stimulation. When the defendant changed her position, she did not think about the possibility of injury to the plaintiff. Shortly after taking this new position, the defendant landed awkwardly on the plaintiff, thereby causing him to suffer a penile fracture.

Although this was generally a position the couple had used before without incident, the defendant did vary slightly the position previously used, without prior specific discussion and without the explicit prior consent of the plaintiff. It is this variation that the plaintiff claims caused his injury. While the couple had practiced what the defendant described as “light bondage” during their intimate relations, there was no evidence of “light bondage” on this occasion. The plaintiff’s injuries were serious and required emergency surgery. He has endured a painful and lengthy recovery. He has suffered from sexual dysfunction that neither medication nor counseling have been able to treat effectively.

The court found for the defendant in a summary judgment.

Should Newsweek Retract its Retraction? I think, Yes.

Norman Mailer blogs about whether it was a set-up. I don’t necessarily subscribe to this theory, but it’s a possibility I don’t think is beyond the administration’s morals.

Whatever one thinks about Ariana, her group blog adding such voices as Dianne Keaton, RFK Jr, and Norman Mailer to the blogosphere is worthwhile.

I wrote the below on or before May 3, 1995. If it was ever read, it was read at Mangia Italiano, a restaurant on South Grand which at the time had an open mic. It would only have been read once. It is basically a sermon, though, based on the Torah portion that would have been read on Saturday May 6, 1995 (Parashat Kedoshim). While the Roman and Hebrew calendars are known for their non-synching qualities, this Torah Portion was read in synagogues on May 7th. So I am a little late putting this on my blog, but I’m not waiting until next year.

I am considering writing a little something each week about the weekly portion. Sometimes it will be serious like the below; sometimes I may add a little humor. It will actually force me to read the weekly portion, and to think about it, which would be laudable. If I do this, it is likely it will appear on the weekend - most likely on Sunday.

——
May 3, 1995

This week I thought I would do something a little different. I would write a sermon. This weekend’s Bible passages are from Leviticus Chapter 19 I once wrote a poem called, “Leviticus.” It was about the moralistic holier than thou attitude some people have. It was about bigotry and closed mindedness. And when reading sections of the Bible, particularly Leviticus, one is sometimes reminded of these negative attributes. But that is not all one finds.

“And when you reap the harvest of your land, thou shalt not wholly reap the corner of thy field, neither shalt thou gather the gleaning of thy harvest. And thou shalt not glean thy vineyard, neither shalt thou gather the fallen fruit of thy vineyard; thou shalt leave them for the poor and for the stranger: I am the Lord your God. (19:9-10)”

Leviticus reminds us of our duty to those less fortunate. A portion of what we reap should go to the needy of the community.

“Charity is equal in importance to all the other commandments combined,” says the Talmud. (Bava Bathra 9a).

What should one do upon seeing a beggar in the street? Aren’t many of them fakes? Rabbi Chaim of Sanz in the 18th Century said, “The merit of charity is so great that I am happy to give to 100 beggars even if only one might actually be needy. Some people however act as if they are exempt from giving charity to 100 beggars in the event that one might be a fraud.”

But even the real ones, you ask, aren’t they just lazy? Why should we reinforce their bad habits? Another 18th century Rabbi taught, “When a poor man asks you for aid, do not use his faults as an excuse for not helping him. For then God will look for your offenses, and He is sure to find many.” (Rabbi Shmelke of Nikolsberg d. 1778)

Leviticus Chapter 19 also contains another important theme:

“Thou shalt not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge agains the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. (9:18)” “The stranger that sojourneth with you shall be unto you as the homeborn among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself. (19:34)”

These are appropriate sentiments in today’s world with many in our nation taking out vengeance against others, spouting hate, and desiring the expulsion of immigrant strangers. In the tradition of Leviticus Emma Lazarus declared, “Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” There are those today who would rewrite the words at the foot of Lady Liberty. We must not let them.

So ends my sermon. As explanation, I do not take everything in the Bible as the direct, unalterable word of God. I do believe that many, if not all, of the events depicted actually occurred. However, religion does evolve. God commanded Adam and Eve only to eat vegetables, and not to eat any meat. Later he told Noah that he and his family could eat meat. Times change and thus the rules change as well. However, while much has changed in the years that have passed since The Books were written, much has remained the same as well. If one approaches the Bible with an open min, rather than a closed one, I believe there is much to be learned.

^*The non-Biblical quotes (from the Talmud, and the various Rabbis) were found in Jewish Literacy and Jewish Wisdom, both books compiled by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin.

I subscribe via RSS to all new articles at Snopes. An excellent resource on Urban Legends.

It sometimes even comes through with an email that sounds like an urban legend, but is actually true.

Apparently, Eisenhower really did write the below:

Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes you can do these things. Among them are H. L. Hunt (you possibly know his background), a few other Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or business man from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid. - Former President Eisenhower

George Lucas, Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman at the 58th Cannes Film Festival May 15, 2005.

Portman shaved her hair for her role in the upcoming V for Vendetta movie.

It appears a lot of donors and fundraisers have been sleeping at the White House!!

This sounds awfully familiar. I seem to recall a bunch of conservatives getting very upset about this a few years back. Of course, its not members of Hollywood this time around, so I guess that makes it alright.

I guess it could be worse…Bush could have been plying them with ‘Jesus Juice’, and they could have been sharing Bush’s bed. Oh, wait, wrong scandal.

Justin Timberlake didn’t sing at My Bar Mitzvah, how come he’s singing at this kid’s?!?!.

I bet my parents could have gotten him real cheap too. He was only a year old.

Today on May 13th (5 + 13 =18)
After 18 continuous seasons
As a friend of mine said in an email yesterday
The "Modern age of Trek" ends.

I look forward to PostModern Trek.
Not quite sure how exactly the phoenix will look when its reborn.
I don’t know how long it will take.
But I guarantee it won’t take as long as Lucas took to produce Episode 1 after Episode 6.

Roddenberry et al didn’t care about the state of special f/x.
They took what technology gave them, and hired writers to write good plots around them.  (And occasionally the writers succeeded)

But Lucas knew the plots for his Episode 1 and Episode 2 movies would suck dingoes kidneys…so he needed special f/x out the wazoo to distract attention from that.

That’s my theory.

It’s been a few weeks, fill in the blank:

Pope Benedict ___

OK, I’m not Catholic, but I follow the news, especially religious news, and I’m a fairly intelligent person, but I had to look that up just now. Two was such an easy number to remember.

So I’ve come up with a few mnemonics to remember the new papal number. Maybe, if you were unable to fill in the blank, one of these will help you.

1) Pope begins with P, and P is the __th letter of the alphabet.
This is easy to remember, but every time I need to come up with the number, I’ll have to recite the ABCs.

2) There are ___ characters (including the space) in the Pope’s former name,Joseph Ratzinger
I won’t have to recite the ABCs, but I will need to count on my fingers.

3) Benedict starts with B, as does Berry, as in Chuck Berry, who wrote the song Sweet Little ____
This might work better. But Bragg, Bern, Buffett, Backstreet Boys, Bjork, and Bolton all begin with the letter B too. And I have absolutely no clue whether any of them have a song with the number ___ in it.

4) X is the rating for a pornographic movie, and Sex is the latin word for Six.
“Oh, great,” you say. “Now every time someone mentions the Pope, I’m going to think about pornography and sex.”
I’m going to Hell for this one, but if Catholicism is correct, I was anyway.

By the way: Pope Benedict XVI drinks beer (Good German beer, of course. Not Clydesdale Piss, like they make here in St. Louis)

Quote of the Day: "As soon as I had eaten one, I saw the glittering eyes of a second, a third . . . I ate them too. . . . At last I ate the table-napkin, the plate, my father’s goloshes, the white placard . . . I ate everything that caught my eye, because I felt that nothing but eating would take away my illness." (Chek hov) 

Britney recorded Sometimes in 1999. A songwriter claims he wrote it in 1990, officially copyrighting it in 2003, but copyrighting it by the “Poor Man’s Copyright” in 1990.

What is the Poor Man’s Copyright? Putting something in an envelope and mailing it to yourself. The argument goes: “The date’s on the envelope, this is proof of when I wrote it.”

Yeah? It’s possible to send an unsealed envelope to yourself, get a postmark on it, and later put something in that envelope, and claim you wrote it. Not only is it possible, it’s easy. I’ll be shocked if the PMC alone wins this guy’s case. There’s also an alleged email from Britney admitting to the theft, but there’s no date on the email, and emails are also easy to forge.

If he wins without providing something more substantial, I’m going to send myself an unsealed envelope, and get rich a few years from now.

Thanks to Anna, I have added a new blog to my newsreader.

I did take a Bible as Literature course in college, along with courses in Islam, Eastern Religions, the Navajo religion^*, and Judaism. A total of fifteen hours of religion. But you will notice, beyond reading the New Testament as literature, there is a sizable gap. I have filled in that gap some, as I was never under the impression my education ended when I got my degree. But I will jump at the chance to read someone who blogs intelligently from the Christian Religious Left. Especially when he also posts a review of a high school production of Les Miserables.

In an entry on evangelicals who feel persecuted, Slacktivist says:

So, yes, the word is actually used, and the idea has taken hold. It is, as Will says, unbecoming and unrealistic, but many, many American evangelicals believe that they are “persecuted.” Don’t take my word for it — ask them. Go ask Ned Flanders next door, or ask that Very Nice coworker who once gave you a copy of the “Four Spiritual Laws.”

These same evangelicals also believe, presumably with a different compartment of their brains, that America is “a Christian nation.”

It’s difficult to reconcile these two ideas — persecuted hegemons? (One theory is that the cognitive dissonance produced by simultaneously believing these contradictory notions is so violent that it results in physiological damage, actually altering their brain chemistry. But that’s just a theory.)

I like that theory. It reminds me of those who believed “once upon a time” that all Jews were both Capitalists and Marxists. Luckily, no one still believes this today.

[I also enjoy where Slacktivist uses Vonnegut’s 8 rules of writing fiction to critique the Left Behind books. I’ve never read the books, but I had also never seen Vonnegut’s 8 rules, and now I have.]

^*This course was also more Literature-based, and taught by the Native American Poet, Carter Revard.

West Virginia Denies Jesus Christ

So..the basic nomenclature of a military academy states you will be
known as Officer Cadet [Insert Last Name here].

So..Prince Harry has just enrolled in Sandhurst, a British military academy.

So…a question is probably occurring to you now, if it hadn’t previously…

according to this article: Officer Cadet Wales.

Now that you know I’m a genius…you’re probably wondering:

Last book I read:

Last movie I saw:

Last CD I listened to:

I plugged in numbers at the SAT comparison script linked to in an earlier post, and discovered the alleged scores of the 6 individuals they compare everyone to.

1000 - Howard Stern
1206 - GWB
1335 - Al Gore
1380 - David Duchovny
1400 - Natalie Portman
1590 - Bill Gates

(Scoring has changed greatly over the years, and it looks like it was possible to get scores such as 1206 and 1335 on older tests.)

MENSA accepts SAT scores as comparable with IQ, admitting those with:
1300+ on tests scored prior to September 30, 1974
1250+ on tests scored after that date through 31 January 1994.
After the test was recentered in 1995, MENSA decided that the SAT was no longer an IQ test and no longer accepts it for admission.
So all of the above except Dubya, Howard, and Natalie could make it into MENSA based on their SAT scores. I suspect if she wanted, Natalie would be able to find a standardized test MENSA approved and score high enough. It’s not clear Howard or Dubya would be able to.

I do find the order of the names interesting, if the numbers are accurate. I also wonder how Gates reacted when he learned he missed a perfect score by 10 points.

I’ve never taken an IQ test, but based on these charts, mine’s somewhere around 145.

True…I took the test about 12 years before she did…nu?

Follow the link for info on using your lightsaber around the home…

Source: Blog on the Edge of Forever

Two notes:
1) There were a few questions where I wanted a 3rd choice.
2) I definitely wanted to take a red pencil to a lot of the questions, and correct spelling and grammar.

I decided today to remind my mom what she looked like thirty years ago. I guess some might think that was a cruel thing to do on Mother’s day, but she liked it. Though she was kind of surprised to see how big her ears were.

Reverend Martin Niemoller said:

In Germany, the Nazis first came for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew.

Then they came for the trade unionists and I didn’t speak because I wasn’t a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Catholics, but I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant.

Then they came for me…but that time there was no one to speak for anyone.

Related Readings:

(Different countries, different decades, different people, different events. The story keeps getting rewritten in different ways.)

For the Record:

I don’t believe I’m related to the North Carolinan blogger Betsy, her husband Craig, or their Beltway daughter Katie. All three are politically conservative. They may share my last name. They may share my religion. They may all blog. But that’s where it ends.

I don’t believe I’m related to the other Craig, though I suspect it would be cool if I were. He intentionally avoids politics on his blog, but he’s posted several times about the Electronic Fronteir Foundation, and the ANWR. His favorite music includes Leonard Cohen, Kinky Friedman, and Warren Zevon. And he lives in San Francisco. At worst, he’s somewhere between the East Coast bloggers above, and myself.

I don’t know of any other bloggers who share my last name.

Tomorrow (beginning at sunset tonight) marks one of the most recent holidays on the Jewish calendar. Observances haven’t been standardized. Some decide not to observe this day at all.

There is a holiday in a different month - the Ninth of Av on the Hebrew Calendar (this year it falls on Aug 14)- which is tied to the destruction of the first and second Temples. Some argue we should remember all destructive events in our history on that day. Others argue The Holocaust should be exceptional.

I picked up this book several summers ago at one of the late Library Limited’s annual booksales. The emotional wallop of this reference book is excruciating. It begins with a list of French children who were transported to the death camps. Convoy by Convoy. And the second half of the book is a collection of photographs collected from family and neighbors who managed to survive. I am only able to look at one or two of these photographs, along with sparse biographies including names, dates of birth, and which convoy they were on, before I have to put the book down.

I need to find a better home for this collection than my bookshelf. I’d like to find a library or school to donate it to. (The St. Louis County Library has a copy; The City, and the “Municipal Consortium” systems don’t appear to.)

These words are 150 years old this year:

I CELEBRATE myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

I loafe and invite my soul,
I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.

My tongue, every atom of my blood, form’d from this soil, this air,
Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and their parents the same,
I, now thirty-seven years old in perfect health begin,
Hoping to cease not till death.

Creeds and schools in abeyance,
Retiring back a while sufficed at what they are, but never forgotten,
I harbor for good or bad, I permit to speak at every hazard,
Nature without check with original energy.

—
The math isn’t exact…Walt was born May 31, 1819. When Leaves of Grass was published, he would have been 36…not 37 as the poem claims.

Maybe he claimed to be 37 for metrical reasons.

This both provides a sense of relief…and some pressure. I am 36 right now. Whitman was unknown at age 36, so I can be as famous before I die. But then again, I have only 7 more months to publish my Leaves of Grass…

Click the picture, if you want to understand.
(OK, I’ve failed my challenge. It didn’t take too long, did it?)