Archive for 10/12/2010 - 4 Heshvan, 5771

In the Midwestern tradition of Halloween, where kids are actually
forced to tell jokes for candy (making it “Trick for Treat” as opposed
to “Trick or Treat”)

Here’s a list of puns:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead racoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.”

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, “Dam!”

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t
have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron.” The
other says “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he
said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

8. Three friars were behind on their belfry payments, so opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not.

He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him … A super calloused fragile
mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who posted ten different puns on
his blog, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make
visitors laugh. No pun in ten did?