Archive for 10/4/2008 - 5 Tishrei, 5769

The lowest form of wit (and thus the foundation of all wit)

10/31/2005 - 28 Tishrei, 5766

In the Midwestern tradition of Halloween, where kids are actually
forced to tell jokes for candy (making it “Trick for Treat” as opposed
to “Trick or Treat”)

Here’s a list of puns:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead racoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.”

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, “Dam!”

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t
have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron.” The
other says “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he
said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

8. Three friars were behind on their belfry payments, so opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not.

He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him … A super calloused fragile
mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who posted ten different puns on
his blog, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make
visitors laugh. No pun in ten did?

113076125756998034

10/31/2005 - 28 Tishrei, 5766

To all Pagans, Catholics,
Candy-lovers,
fans of dressing up,
and kids everywhere:

Happy Halloween

A Weekend for Reading Dark Fantasy

10/30/2005 - 27 Tishrei, 5766

I’ve read 10 books this weekend. Nine of them had the same author, and one of those the same artist as the tenth. Yes, they were comic books.

I find it fascinating that some of the same people who criticize comic books as ‘for kids’ watch a lot of television and go to see movies all the time. So clearly, it can’t be the idea of ‘telling stories with pictures’ they have a problem with, can it? Why accept it when the pictures are moving, but not when they are standing still? (Of course, they would never claim that art museums are for kids either.)

Of course, I have to admit, there was a time where I was one of those people. But I’ve grown up since then.

Serendipity

10/30/2005 - 27 Tishrei, 5766

I was in my local dealer’s store yesterday, picking up my latest issues, and I saw Book of Lost Souls on the shelf. Written by J. Michael Straczynski, I figured I’d pick up the first issue and see what it was like. I will be reading some of JMS’s work in December, since I am reading the Spiderman: The Other crossover due to my long-time interest in Peter David’s work. I only recall watching one episode of Babylon Five, but friends did rave about it. And it was nearing Halloween…so a dark book might be fun to read.The book felt very familiar. Dark Fantasy…I thought…what other work of comic dark fantasy have I read lately. The recent gift of a friend came to mind. She lent me the first 28 issues of Gaiman’s Sandman. I enjoyed them, but had only gotten through the first 19…and other things had come up, and though I knew I had to read them so I could return them…I hadn’t yet.

So I returned to the stack, picked up issue #20, and stopped. I looked at the cover of issue 20, and then the cover of Book of Lost Souls and I said to myself A Ha! The same artist. And it is true. Colleen Doran did the art for issue #20 of Sandman, October 1990, and 15 years later, the cover of The Book of Lost Souls. However, there’s a problem. She didn’t do the art for issues #1-19. And I hadn’t read #20 yet. So if I was ‘recalling’ her artwork, I was recalling something I hadn’t experienced yet.

Freaky, hunh? Maybe it was just the Dark Fantasy feel. But whatever it was, I like JMS’s writing. The first issue does set up a frame that is interesting, and I am curious to see what he does with it. So I will be picking up issue #2.

And my friend, and writing colleague will be getting her Sandmans back next I see her.

Odd Email

10/29/2005 - 26 Tishrei, 5766

I mentioned this in an earlier entry. It is now over 2 years old, but here is the email conversation in all its glory. I have deleted the individual’s last name and email address. For those who don’t know, I maintain a Victor Hugo website.

From: Hanna
Date: Mon, 7 Jul 2003 16:16:58 EDT
Subject: Compliments

Hi, My name is Hanna. I am 15 years old. For my options I decided to study French as my Language. For part of my GCSE Course work I have to write about any famous person but in french and so from all I had chosen to write about you and your work. I have not heard of you before but I decided to do someone who is french. I have had most of the information but I was wondering if I was able to get a little more about you and your personality and some of your personal details as in what you look/ed like. How old you were when you became famous etc. My email address is [deleted]. I am hoping to hear from you soon.

Thankyou

My Reply. I suspect some will think I was cruel considering she was 15, but consider how much I helped her with her assignment:

Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 00:22:46 -0500
To: Hanna
Subject: Re: Compliments

Dear Hanna,

I was born on Feb 26, 1802.

I published my first collection of poetry at age 20, and my first novel, Han d’Islande , the following year. In 1827 I published the play, Cromwell, and Hernani, in 1829, some say, cemented my leadership of French Romanticism. Notre Dame de Paris was published in 1831. Are you familiar with the American Disney movie “Hunchback of Notre Dame”? This movie is a mutilation of this novel…This upsets me to no bloody end. But alas, I can do nothing about it. My works are in the public domain.

Are you familiar with that term? I actually came up with the phrase “The public domain of letters.” It’s fun to come up with phrases that catch on. I also coined the phrase “The United States of Europe.” OK…they changed the wording to “The European Union” but they liked the idea, yes? “There’s no force stronger than an idea who’s time has come.” That’s mine also. As is “Violets are Blue, Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, and I love my love.” I’m real proud of that one. It appears in Les Miserables. Unfortunately, few people realize it is mine.

Works enter the public domain currently 75 years or so after an author has died. Yeah, believe it or not, I am not 201 years old. I have not found the fabled Philosopher’s Stone. I passed beyond the veil May 22, 1885. I guess that’s not part of the information you already had. Sorry to break the news to you.

Victor Marie Hugo
You can find pictures of me at here.

[ My Biographer, and website designer, John Newmark, was born in 1969. He has written and published a few poems and short stories. He is not famous (yet), and is an American. At times the overly sarcastic nature of his personality can get the better of him, and he has been known to offend people, but that is not his intent. ]

Good luck on your GCSEs.
————

I may not have taken into account her age as much as I should have. Or perhaps she was able to out-sarcasm me. This was her response:

Date: Fri, 18 Jul 2003 07:52:50 EDT
Subject: Fwd: Compliments

Dear Victor

Thank you so much for your time to write back to me. As I told you that I had to describe a famous french person in my french coursework I had chosen you and as I gave it in to my teacher she really was looking forward to reading it. I hope everything I had wrote was true because going on different websites gave me slightly different info.

Any way thank you very much and I hope you have a good summer holiday From your nowadays fan

Hanna

Note: All my information was correct. Unless of course she ended up writing that Victor Hugo was born in 1969 or something.

Harry Potter News

10/28/2005 - 25 Tishrei, 5766

I haven’t blogged about Harry Potter for several months, and I’m no longer getting as many visits from fans as I used to so, here goes:

Harry’s flying Ford Anglia has been stolen

In other Harry Potter News, Daniel Radcliffe wants Harry to die in the seventh book, and is a little nervous about the nude scene in the upcoming film.

Locally, Ronnie’s Cine 20 is converting one of their theaters to a commercial IMAX theater, which is opening on November 18th. It’s not a coincidence that this is also opening night for the upcoming Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Odd Email

10/28/2005 - 25 Tishrei, 5766

Neil Gaiman, in his journal, writes about odd email, including an email from People Magazine on the movie, Beowulf, and an email concerning the film MirrorMask.

But you know, they’re not really odd. Gaiman was actually involved with the scripts for both movies. It’s not like he’s getting email from Archaeologists in Hawaii wanting to know what to do with shards of glass or email addressed to Victor Hugo from students who think he is alive, and they’ve found his website. (I’m not sure I blogged about this one.)

Some day

10/28/2005 - 25 Tishrei, 5766

On an email list I participate in, someone today said, “I’m still
kinda baffled why, in this day and age, it’s even an issue as to one’s
orientation.”

Here’s what I posted in response:

It shouldn’t be. But it was only a couple years ago that the US made
it legal to act on one’s orientation. There are still many people
who insist they have no issue with orientation, but get upset when
they hear people ‘announcing’ their orientation, as if someone should
go through life without mentioning a part of who they are.

I know how I would feel if every time I made reference to the fact I
was Jewish, someone responded, “you know, I don’t make a big deal out
of being Methodist,” or something like that. But they don’t say that,
and for the most part, I don’t think they think it.

But somehow, it’s still different in many people’s minds for sexual
orientation. Some day it won’t be.

Multiple Choice

10/27/2005 - 24 Tishrei, 5766

One of the below actors from the the original series of Star Trek has just “come out of the closet”. Can you guess which one?

see if you’re correct

Remember The Exorcist? The House is for Sale

10/27/2005 - 24 Tishrei, 5766

Remember The Exorcist? The exorcism happened at St. Louis University, but the house in St. Louis where the family lived is for sale.

Many strange things allegedly happened in that home. Their home in Maryland prior to moving to St. Louis has long since been torn down. The buildings on the St. Louis University campus involved in the events no longer exist. This house is all that is left.

And for the first time, apparently: The name of the child appears in a newspaper. (Though the Riverfront Times admits a couple websites beat them to it.) The alleged individual is still alive, age 70, though he’s not talking.

The Real Estate salesman didn’t want this published. He didn’t think it would help sell the house. Is he crazy? I know if I had the money, I’d be considering it. It might depend somewhat on the zoning laws.

Can you imagine: Satan’s Bed and Breakfast

I’m sure the neighbors wouldn’t be too thrilled with the idea…

I also find it amazing that nowhere in the article is the address of the house talked about, beyond mentioning it. It is on Roanoke Drive.

This is the last, I promise

10/26/2005 - 23 Tishrei, 5766

This 2002 Article solves my earlier problem

The Federal Reserve Board is now to enjoy its full complement of seven with the arrival of two new faces on its board, Ben Bernanke and Donald Kohn. They sailed through a hearing with the Senate Banking Committee, which treated them with “exceptional deference” and faced questions for less than an hour. They pledged to strive to make the Fed’s decision-making process more transparent and demonstrated unswerving support for the monetary policies pursued over the last 20 years by Paul Volcker and Alan Greenspan.

Kohn replaces Laurence Meyer to undertake a full 14-year term until 2016, by which time he will be 73 years old, while Bernanke fills the gap left by the resignation of Edward Kelley, so that his term expires in 2004. As things now stand, the seven board members are Alan Greenspan (chairman), Roger Ferguson (vice-chairman), Edward Gramlich, Susan Schmidt Bies, Mark Olson, Ben Bernanke and Donald Kohn.

So, since Bernanke wasn’t replacing Laurence Meyer, his earlier term was just a partial one. But like all good solutions to problems, it just raises another question.

If Bernanke’s term expired in 2004, as this article says, what was he doing in office up until June of 2005? Luckily, due to all my earlier research, I think I know the answer to this. The Federal Reserve Act does state that the board member does remain in office until a replacement is found.

But it also suggests that when the term ended, there was no effort to get him reappointed between expiration and when he resigned in June of 2005.

A colleague asked me earlier why I was spending so much time looking into this when the media obviously wasn’t concerned about it. My answer: “look at everything I’ve learned!”

Readers of this weblog now know more about the Federal Reserve Act than most people. Maybe it will come in handy someday at a trivia contest or something.

Can you pass 8th Grade Math?

10/26/2005 - 23 Tishrei, 5766
You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!
Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

I actually received 9/10 the first time I took the test. Then I went back and changed my answer to the below question:

If .4

Probably final post on Bernanke

10/26/2005 - 23 Tishrei, 5766

As near as I can tell the law is unclear, so theoretically

1) A Federal Reserve Board member could resign after 1 year, someone
could step in to fill out the remaining 13 years, and be reappointed
for a total of 27 years.

2) A Federal Reserve Board member could serve multiple 13 year terms,
resigning and getting reappointed. (But as a colleague pointed out,
they would have to get a President to reappoint, and a Senate to
reconfirm)

The one 14-year term rule was definitely created for a reason, but
since there isn’t anything written down that I have been able to find
regarding the percentage of a partial term a Board member can serve
and still be reappointed, the 14 year rule is easily circumventable if
the President and Senate are willing. It’s actually probably only
circumventable once…and then a law would be written.

Regardless….even if there was an equivalent rule regarding partial
terms as there is for Presidents, Bernanke only served at most 3 out
of 14 years. That’s less than 25 percent. My issue certainly wasn’t
whether it would be justifiable for Bernanke to serve 17
years…Greenspan served 18.

It’s just the logistics made this strange, and raised a few red flags
in my mind.

The strangest thing about the Fed Reserve Board system is that the
Chair has 4 year terms, and the Board members have 14 terms,
guaranteeing partial terms for Chairs.

Update I should also add, another thing making multiple 13 year terms highly unlikely is stated in this week’s Torah portion. How so? G-d declares in Genesis Chapter 5 or 6, I can’t recall which off hand, that Mankind will be limited to a 120 year lifespan.

Federal Reserve Board 2

10/25/2005 - 22 Tishrei, 5766

This article (on page 2) suggests Ben Bernanke, if confirmed by the Senate, would serve a full 14 year term beginning Jan 31, 2006 and ending Jan 31, 2020.

If it is true that he began a full term in 2002, rather than a partial term, I think there are some rules being ‘bent’ if this is the case. But I can’t find any other comments in the news regarding this issue, and I suspect it’s not something the press would miss completely,

I have found the pertinent info in the Federal Reserve Act. It is clear that the Senate must confirm both membership on the Board, and Chairmanship. So the Senate will be confirming both simultaneously for Bernanke. But his membership on the Board ought to expire, in my mind, in 2017, as he has already served 3 years.

Federal Reserve Board

10/24/2005 - 21 Tishrei, 5766

Federal Reserve Board of Governors

I’m confused.
Here’s what I can glean from the FAQ on the gov website.
1) A Federal Reserve Board member’s term is 14 years
2) A board member can only serve one full term.
3 Greenspan’s is ending (He served more than 14 years because he stepped in to fill the remainder of an incomplete term and got reappointed)
4) A Board member is nominated and confirmed by the Senate.
5) The Chairman (and Vice Chairman) is chosen at the will of the President, with 4 year terms.
6) Bush’s choice for the new Chairman is a guy named Bernanke (I have gleaned this from news articles)
7) He was a member of the Board of Governors, but he resigned in June of 2005.

So if the Chairman is supposed to be chosen from the current members of the Board…how can Bush choose him as the chairman, since he is no longer a member of the Board?

There are supposed to be 7 board members, and currently there are only 5, because Bernanke resigned in June, and someone else resigned in August. So…you say…Bernanke could be nominated to replace himself…and then confirmed…and then chosen to be chairman.

But no. A Chairman has one term. It’s true that Bernanke began his 14 year term in 2002. (Lawrence Meyer’s term expired in Jan 2002, so I am assuming Bernanke was nominated to replace him, so his was a full 14 year term, rather than a partial term) But if he resigned, can he come back…and if so…how many years can he serve?

Does anybody have any answers?

Water Water Everywhere

10/20/2005 - 17 Tishrei, 5766

Anheuser Busch confused that their customers drank beer instead of water.

Anheuser-Busch Cos. Inc. on Tuesday dropped a popular drinking game promotion, saying under-age drinkers were imbibing beer during the interactive game instead of water as originally intended.

The No. 1 U.S. brewer has been promoting Bud Pong competitions since July, supplying tables, balls and glasses to wholesalers across the United States.

Players on one team try to sink a ball into another team’s liquid-filled cups. If successful, the opposing team must drink. Promotion guidelines specify the use of water in the cups, not beer, Anheuser-Busch said.

Ah, yes. Bud Pong. Bud is a popular brand of bottled water, right? And drinking games are traditionally played with water, right?

In a statement, the maker of Budweiser said that “it has come to our attention that despite our explicit guidelines, there may have been instances where this promotion was not carried out in the manner it was intended.”

Powerball Odds

10/20/2005 - 17 Tishrei, 5766

Apparently my odds of being killed (or killing someone) while driving to the store to buy the Powerball tickets I purchased last night were five times greater than the odds of winning the powerball. (When you follow the link, scroll down to the section entitled “Second Thoughts”).

So I guess, since it was more likely I would be responsible for a death, I should consider myself lucky that that didn’t happen. Very lucky, actually, since I would probably have been arrested on manslaughter charges. (or dead).

Yesterday may have been one of the luckiest days of my life. (One of them, since it wasn’t the first time I purchased a ticket. And you know…I probably should stop driving to and from work.)

And since this has come up on other local blogs recently…if I purchased the winning lottery ticket, and driving home, got into a fatal accident. I am pretty dead sure that would have been ironic.

Just when you thought it was safe to get back into the ring…

10/18/2005 - 15 Tishrei, 5766

Yo! Rocky VI

Talking about the Weather

10/18/2005 - 15 Tishrei, 5766

Wilma was the 21st tropical storm this season, tying a 1933 record. Shis is now the 12th Hurricane, tying a 1969 record. There are still six more weeks left in the official hurricane season. The next storm will be named Alpha, the first time since we began using the male/female naming system that we will have run out of names.

(Don’t ask me why they don’t use Xena, Yolanda, or Zara)

Horrton Hears a Heart

10/18/2005 - 15 Tishrei, 5766

What happens when you combine Horton Hears a Who with The Tell-Tale Heart?

Horrton Hears a Heart - by Edgar Allan Seuss

anchors aweigh!

10/17/2005 - 14 Tishrei, 5766

I noticed a news headline today about ABC choosing their Nightline co-anchors: Bashir, McFadden and Moran

And I immediately had this image of Dr. Julian Bashir (Alexander
Siddig), Dr. Beverly Crusher (Gates McFadden), and Joannie Cunningham
(Erin Moran) anchoring the news show.

I decided I would tune in every night.

Alas, my image was incorrect.

Bill OReilly and the ACLU

10/15/2005 - 12 Tishrei, 5766

Bill OReilly ‘Exposes’ the ACLU

I’m going to adress his “expose’ line by line.

Last night, we reported that the Supreme Court of Oregon had ruled 5 to 1 that live sex shows are permitted in that state under the freedom of expression banner. The ACLU and The Oregonian newspaper both filed briefs in favor of that ruling. But why would the ACLU do that? What’s in it for them?

I went to the First Amendment Center to see what they had to say about the case.

The Oregon State Constitution reads a little bit differently than the US Constitution on the concept of free expression:

“No law shall be passed restraining the free expression of opinion, or restricting the right to speak, write, or print freely on any subject whatever; but every person shall be responsible for the abuse of this right.”

This has been interpreted very liberally by the Oregon courts. Amendments have been suggested, and failed votes of the people (three times in the past eleven years). Which, to me, implies that the majority of the residents of Oregon like the liberal interpretation.

Here’s what the Oregon ACLU had to say

“When people get to decide for themselves and for their families what they want to read, see and hear, that keeps the government out of those decisions,” said David Fidanque, executive director of the Oregon arm of the ACLU.

Yep, live sex shows are permitted in Red State Missouri too:

As the RFT wrote about in 2002 and I blogged about

There’s no outright ban on public sex in Missouri. The law says the conduct must be likely to cause “alarm or affront.”

However, in Missouri individual communities can restrict businesses. And many do. But there are places where if there is appropriate signage warning people before they enter the establishment (eliminating any possible alarm or affront) then everything’s cool.

Mr. OReilly continues:

The Supreme Court has consistently ruled that states and local communities have the right to limit expression. This is the U.S. Supreme court, in a time, place, and manner, application of standards.

And the state was interpreting the state constitution. And voters have so far failed to revise the state constitution. So the majority of people in the state of Oregon, like it the way it is. If this interpretation is the proverbial straw, then the people of Oregon are likely to pass an amendment.

Mr. OReilly continues:

That is, you can’t have sex on your front lawn, even if it’s a personal expression on private property. The Supreme Court realizes the Constitution requires boundaries for what Americans do. If you don’t have boundaries, you have chaos. Thus, community standards and public safety trump personal expression.

Bait and Switch. The Oregon case is all about indoor sex shows, not about sex on the front lawn. And the State Supreme Court decision shows they believe in boundaries. A charge on prostitution stood.

But the ACLU doesn’t believe that. The organization has moved so far left, that now anything goes.

Read what the ACLU representative said above, about people getting to decide for themselves. This suggests, to me, the ACLU favors consensual activity between consensual adults behind closed doors. I see limits there.

Item: The ACLU is defending the North American Man Boy Love Association, saying that although the organization champions the criminal rape of children, it has a right to do that under free expression.

NAMBLA has the right to assemble…just as Neo-Nazis do. The ACLU defends peaceful assembly. Once members of NAMBLA act on what they are discussing, then they are violating the law.

• Item: The ACLU endorses virtual child pornography and has defended the right of people to obtain real child porn.

I have to give him partial credit, in that he doesn’t do what so many do, and say that the ACLU supports child porn. The ACLU draws a distinction between the creation of child porn, which abuses real children, and the ownership of the porn. It’s a fine distinction, and a troubling one. But it’s not a difficult distinction to understand.

Virtual child pornography harms no real children. Prohibiting virtual child porn prohibits a form of expression that has harmed no one in the making, and might provide a non-harmful way for a pedophile to release their sexual energies.

Yes, I agree. It’s sick. If you don’t want to buy it, don’t.

Item: the ACLU opposed the Minutemen protests at the border, obviously, a legititmate form of expression.

The Washington Times (a conservatively slanted newspaper) stated that the ACLU was going to monitor the protests to make sure “no aliens were abused”. This isn’t opposition. This is making sure the protests remained peaceful. The ACLU does support peaceful protests, but not violent ones.

So it seems the ACLU cherry picks its cases. The Minutemen certainly have a right to protest the porous border situation, but the ACLU opposes that expression. — Off the chart hypocritical.

No…the ACLU draws a line between violent and peaceful assembly. Apparently, however, you don’t. You don’t think that NAMBLA has a right to peacefully assemble, but you do feel the Minutemen do. You are basing your support and opposition on content of speech.

So let’s apply the no spin concept to this. The ACLU simply wants a different country, a nation where conduct it approves of, public sexual displays, child molestation literature is allowed. But the ACLU wants to inhibit conduct it disagrees with, like protesting the border and celebrating the birth of Jesus. That’s what’s going on.

The ACLU is pretty consistent. Limits on freedom should begin at the injury of others. The abuse of children is illegal, but the actual pornography once it is made harms no one. What happens between consenting adults behind closed doors is their business.

It is the moralistic Right that wants only conduct it approves of to be allowed. It is the moralistic Right that arrested the comic book salesman for selling an adult comic to an adult, and argued comics are by definition for children, and therefore adult comics don’t have a right to exist. It is the moralistic Right that gets upset when they hear about Wiccan covens in the military, even though they support military Chaplains.

Finally. There is a joke that Abraham Lincoln told which went something like this: if you call a tail a leg, how many legs does a horse have? When someone answered, ‘five,’ he’d respond: “No, four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.” Bill OReilly talks about no-spin. But he spins just like everyone else.

Now my next comments are directed at our liberal viewers. How can you support a group as nakedly, pardon the pun, radical as the ACLU? This isn’t about freedom. This is about imposing a radical secular progressive agenda on a country that has traditionally voted on public policy issues. If the live sex act initiative was put on the Oregon ballot, it’d be voted down big. Remember, Oregonians voted against gay marriage.

Err, no. Three times in the past eleven years, the Oregon VOTERS rejected constitutional amendments to revise their constitution in this area. Nothing has been imposed upon them which they haven’t accepted. I suspect this decision may lead to another attempt. And if so, the voters will decide.

This is about freedom. The freedom to engage in consensual activity behind closed doors.

It’s also a joke. The founding fathers didn’t write the First Amendment with live sex shows in mind, OK? Everybody understand that? You can easily pervert the Constitution by saying every kind of expression is protected, but again, that would lead to chaos and conflict.

Err, no. The First Amendment has nothing to do with the Oregon court case. They were discussing the Oregon constitution, not the US constitution. As you stated earlier in your piece, if you have forgotten, states and local communities are the ones who set up the limits. Oregon has just gone a little further to the left than you like. OK, don’t move there.

I don’t see the chaos and conflict that arises with the “consensual activity between consensual adults behind closed doors” philosophy. Please, someone, show me the chaos and conflict.

“Talking Points” believes the 400,000 members of the ACLU should wake up and smell the totalitarianism. This organization is bent on undermining freedom, not fighting for it. And everybody should understand that.

I believe the xxxxxx fans of Bill OReilly (and his ilk) should…ditto.

Madonna’s transgression

10/12/2005 - 9 Tishrei, 5766

The below words come from a post on another site, and I will assume
the individual knows of which he speaks:

“The law about not using a holy man’s name for profit is one that
applies to all holy men, including Moshe, including the Arizal. You
are not supposed to “use the crown of Torah for your own benefit” Now
there are different ways around that i.e if you’re spreading Torah or
you’re a teacher of children.”

(Moshe is, of course, Moses, and Arizal, is Isaac Luria) The
individual goes on to say “Madonna is clearly neither” which of course
is arguable. She would almost certainly defend herself as a spreader
of Kaballah, and she’s written books for children. But regardless,
the issue appears not to be the use of Luria’s name. The issue is
Madonna.

The Best Fans in Baseball

10/11/2005 - 8 Tishrei, 5766

More evidence to support St. Louis has the best fans in baseball.

Saturday night’s game - that started at 10 pm St. Louis time…
Despite the late start time:
26% of all tvs were tuned to the game. And it had only dropped to 20% by the time the game ended at 1:30 am.
1 out of every 5 television sets in St. Louis was tuned into the game at 1:30 am Sunday morning.
(Admittedly, it’s possible, some people had fallen asleep in front of the TV)

18 Facts concerning Isaac and Madonna

10/11/2005 - 8 Tishrei, 5766

The facts as I know them:

1) Madonna’s upcoming album contains a song called, Isaac.
2) This song contains a spoken word segment from a member of the London Kaballah Center
3) It is thought that the song references Jewish mystic, Isaac Luria
4) Orthodox Israeli Rabbis have complained, saying there is a Jewish law that forbids one to make a profit off of Luria’s name.
5) Madonna has never claimed to be Jewish. She only claims to be a devotee of Kaballah mysticism.
6) The member of the London Kaballah Center whose spoken word appears in the song, likely considers himself Jewish.
7) The press has not reported, as far as I have seen, any complaints about this individual’s participation.
8) Jewish law comes from the Torah (aka The Five Books of Moses), recorded several years prior to the Common Era.
9) Talmud, the commentary on the Torah, is composed of two parts: Mishnah and Gemara.
10) Mishnah was recorded in its final form by Judah the Prince in 200 CE.
11) Gemarah – Rabbinical debate on the Mishnah continued until approximately 500 CE.
12) Isaac Luria was a 16th Century CE mystic.
13) I have not read all of the Mishnah and Gemara, though I am willing to bet Luria’s name doesn’t appear anywhere in the commentary.
14) I am also willing to bet his name doesn’t appear in the Torah.
15) There are 613 laws in the Torah.
16) One of those laws is that there shall be no new laws added.
17) The member of the London Kaballah Center who speaks in the song – his first name is Isaac.
18) I would find it funny if all the assumptions were incorrect, and the song is actually about him, but it still wouldn’t explain what law Madonna would have broken if it were about Luria, and she were Jewish.

Yes, I organized this into 18 facts intentionally.
If I find out any more facts, I will share.

SLIFF Nov 10-20

10/10/2005 - 7 Tishrei, 5766

SLIFF = St. Louis International Film Festival

There are a lot of great films that are going to be shown in St. Louis between November 10th and 20th, but let me focus on the shorts.

And on Short Program #5 in particular:

Saturday, November 19th, 9 PM, at the Tivoli

Shorts Program #5 – Punchline

You spilled your popcorn, they were out of Snow Caps and the guy beside you hasn’t bathed in weeks. You need to laugh and as luck would have it, you’re in the right place. These shorts will have you bustin’ a gut faster than you can say “lather, rinse and repeat.”

“AdCorp, Inc.” (Marshall Cook, USA, 2005, 12 min.) For anyone who ever wondered, “How did they come up with the name for the store, Bed, Bath & Beyond?” Starring comedian Andy Dick.

“Handshake” (Patrick Smith, USA, 2004, 5 min.) An innocent greeting between a girl and a boy turns into a sticky, stretchy struggle for survival.

“I’m Sorry, Mr. Reeves” (Steve Kozel, USA, 2005, 7 min.) A man’s desperation upon finding his wife is leaving him and he is going to die, momentarily leads him on a bizarre and rapid-fire quest.

“It’s the Cat” (Mark Kausler, USA, 2004, 3 min.) An animated short about a black cat and the havoc he wreaks.

“Marvelous Marso and the Case of the Climbing Cats” (Becky Donovan, USA, 2005, 4 min.) An animated short about cats, outer space and President Ronald Reagan.

“Mr. Dramatic” (John Stalberg, USA, 2005, 12 min.) Blind dates are bad but even worse when they are with Mr. Dramatic. Drama queens have nothing on this guy.

“Pee Shy” (Deb Hagan, USA, 2004, 15 min.) A campfire story causes a scout to have an “accident” and makes him a target for ridicule. That is until something in the woods might make everyone pee their pants.

“Perils in Nude Modeling” (Scott Rice, USA, 2004, 10 min.) Finish your painting and fulfill a lifelong dream of becoming an artist or run away with the nude model? What to do?

“Two to Tango” (Audrey Schebat, France, 2005, 9 min.) Prepare to hear two different sides of how a man and woman hooked up the night before at a party.

“West Bank Story” (Ari Sandel, USA, 2005, 22 min.) A musical comedy about David, an Israeli soldier, who falls in love with Fatima, a beautiful Palestinian cashier. Can their love break a 2000-year-old conflict?

10 films: 100 minutes total.

Past readers of my blog know, that the last in the list is last only due to alphabetical order. It debuted at this year’s Sundance Film Festival. The star of this short film is an actual St. Louis native. I got drunk for the first time at his parents’ wedding.

THIS is why I am on the AFA mailing list!

10/7/2005 - 4 Tishrei, 5766

Dear John,

Target Corporation will continue to ban the Salvation Army from their 1,351 stores this Christmas season. The Army will not be allowed to place their red kettles in front of Target stores.

Yeah Target! The Salvation Army is a missionizing religious organization. Their primary mission is not to help the poor. Their primary mission is to spread the word of Jesus.

Despite increased need caused by the hurricanes Katrina and Rita, Target continues to bar the Salvation Army.

Yeah Target! The Salvation Army isn’t the only agency that can help the Hurricane victims.

Many observers feel that the ban by Target is a result of pressure put on the company by homosexual groups. Homosexual activists have targeted the Salvation Army for years because of the Army’s refusal to recognize their lifestyle. Target is a supporter of various homosexual causes.

Yeah Target! Some of my best friends are homosexuals, and I support their causes.

While Target contributes to homosexual groups, the company publicly states that they will not contribute to any religious groups. For Target, homosexual organizations are worthy of financial support, Christian and Jewish organizations are not.

Yeah! I think the principle of not contributing to any religious group is a good one. Religious agencies can get their donations from elsewhere.

Further showing Target’s true colors, WTOP Radio Network in Washington, DC, reports that Target is one of the national chains that will be carrying a new line of women’s products that includes a vibrator.

Elexa by Trojan spokeswoman Cassandra Johnson says the products will be discreetly packaged and sold in the feminine care aisle.

Thanks for this valuable information! I’ll let my female friends know.

“Formerly the domain of sex shops, such products have been brought out of the shadows by popular television shows like ‘Sex and the City,’” WTOP reported.

About time!

While Target continues to ban the Salvation Army, competitors such as Wal-Mart are increasing their donations to the Salvation Army. Wal-Mart and others continue to welcome the Army’s kettles.

Another reason, as if I needed one, not to go to Walmart.

Please send an email asking Target to end their ban of the Salvation Army and their offering of a sex toy line of products. In addition, you can email Wal-Mart, thanking them for supporting the Salvation Army.

Sure…I’ll send emails. Though my emails may differ a bit.

Send Your Email To Target and Wal-Mart Now!

OK. If you insist.

Please help us spread this important information about Target by forwarding this to your friends and family.

Consider it done.

Sincerely,

Don

Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman
American Family Association

Call me insane

10/7/2005 - 4 Tishrei, 5766

Back in 2001 I was looking for somewhere to publish my political poetry, and couldn’t find any online zine that specialized in it. So I said to myself, hey, I’ll create one. It didn’t last long. For a variety of reasons. And I ultimately found Newspoetry so I had a place to send my poems.

Well, in December of 2002, Newspoetry stopped publishing new poems. Almost 3 years later, I’ve decided to try again.

The Barricade: A Political Poetry Ezine

It’s one week old, and I’ve already had two submissions.

The Single Most Heinous Act Ever Committed by a President of the United States

10/6/2005 - 3 Tishrei, 5766

Be forewarned. There are words in the following (satire?) which might prove uncomfortable if you are an adult with a child nearby. If you are a child without an adult nearby, you might enjoy those words, but may be confused with the rest of the piece. If so, find your parent and ask them to explain it.

The Single Most Heinous Act Ever Committed by a President of the United States

Gefilte Fish

10/6/2005 - 3 Tishrei, 5766

I had gefilte fish for lunch. (Handmade at Protzel’s, a local deli) Very tasty.

I was asked by a colleague what gefilte fish was exactly. Here’s a
Recipe. Some say it is an acquired taste, though I acquired it fairly quickly as I never recall a time when I didn’t like it. Some say it tastes better with horseradish, and while I agree the horseradish adds a great taste to the dish, I enjoy it sans horseradish, as well. (I believe I am in a minority here, though.)

Protzel’s Deli shouldn’t be confused with Pratzel’s Bakery. Pratzel’s, a local bakery, does supply some of their products to Protzel’s, but the names are a coincidence.

Criminal Thoughts

10/5/2005 - 2 Tishrei, 5766

“Crimes of Passion” occur every day somewhere in America, and don’t rate much attention outside of their own community. But there are interesting facets to this story:

A shooting outside of a synagogue on Rosh Hashana.

The first thing the congregants inside the synagogue thought was ‘terrorist attack’.
Some dropped to the ground. Others remained standing, reciting their prayers. [This, I must say, is impressive. I’m not sure my faith would have been that strong. I would have been with the rest of the congregation on the floor. Of course, some might say, being on the floor was the smart/safe thing to do.]

A 70-something congregant allegedly shot a 40-something congregant – reportedly over a dispute involving a woman he had been involved with.

He shouted “I’m possessed, I’m possessed!” Belief in demonic possession isn’t commonplace in Judaism, but it isn’t completely dismissed either. Belief in someone who claims to be possessed as they are committing a sin? The answer to that I am unsure on, but I certainly would have doubts. I might accept someone who made that claim after the fact, but to say you are possessed, indicates a knowledge of that possession. I’m not an expert on demonology, though, so this might not be as strange as it appears.

Rosh HaShana marks the beginning of a 10 day period where Jews look at the sins they’ve committed over the past year, seek forgiveness, pray to be inscribed in the “Book of Life” for the following year, and commit themselves to following G-d’s commandments more faithfully.

This occurred at a Hassidic congregation, where one would expect the congregants to be familiar with the prayers they are reciting, and to mean them.

Next Thursday, Yom Kippur, the alleged shooter will be seeking G-d to forgive him for his sins – but will only be able to seek forgiveness for sins committed against another individual if he has been forgiven by that individual.

The victim is in critical condition, but it appears he will survive, so the obvious questions arise.

Holiday Humor

10/3/2005 - 29 Elul, 5765

Year according to Jewish calendar………………………………5766
Year according to Chinese calendar…………………………….4702
Total # of years that Jews went without Chinese food….1064

On Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), we have a service called
Tashlich (throwing) where we symbolically cast our sins away by
throwing bread into the water. Rabbi Tilson explains:

“Some people have asked what they are supposed to throw into the
water. Here are suggestions:

For ordinary sins, use - White Bread
For exotic sins - French or Italian bread
For dark sins - Pumpernickle
For complex sins - Multi-grain
For truly warped/twisted sins - Challa Bread
For sins of indecision - Waffles
For sins commited in haste - Matzah
For substance abuse - Poppy Seed
For commiting arson - Toast
For sins of auto theft, Caraway Bread
For being ill-tempered - Sourdough
For silliness - Nut bread
For not giving full value - Short bread
For political chauvinism -Yankee Doodles
For excessive use of irony - Rye Bread
For hardening our hearts - Jelly doughnuts or Custard filled Doughnuts
For tasteless sins, use Rice Cakes (unflavored)
For sins of war mongering, Kaiser rolls
For sins of Immodest dressing, Tarts
For causing injury of damage to others, Tort[e]s
For sins of Chutzpah, use fresh baked bread
For Promiscuity, Hot buns (if it was with a Christian, then hot cross buns)
For racism, Crackers
For sophisticated racism, Ritz Crackers
For Davening out of tune, Flat Bread
For Being Holier than Though, Bagels
For Unfairly Upbraiding another, Challa
For Indecent Photography, Cheese Cake
For Trashing the Environment, Dumplings
For sins of Pride, Puff Pastry
For the sins of the Righteous, Angel food cake
For sins of mischieviousness, Devils food cake
For sins of Lust in your heart , Wonder Bread
For sins of Laziness, Long loaf
For Inhaling, Stoned wheat
For sins of telling bad Jokes, Corn Bread

Select your crumbs carefully, Toss with feeling, and the satisfaction
of a job well done.

5766

10/3/2005 - 29 Elul, 5765

L’Shana Tova (Happy New Year)
Gut Yontiff (Good Holiday)

For those interested in learning about the holiday, here are some of several places online. The first link provides a basic summary, the others go into greater detail.
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