Archive for 12/4/2008 - 7 Kislev, 5769

I could only get through the first five of this year’s Darwin Awards before my laughter became too much. Some prime examples of stupidity.

1)The leopard (Panthera pardus) is an Old World mammal of the Felidae family and the smallest of the four ‘big cats’ of the genus Panthera, along with the tiger, lion, and jaguar.

more information

It also requires X mb of Ram to install Leopard on a Mac computer
and my iBook currently has (1/2)x. However, the price of Ram has dropped over the years, and so this is just a small obstacle that will be resolved upon my return.

There is also a requirement of y mb of available hard drive space, and coincidentally, I have (1/2)y available. However, this is even easier to fix since I have something like 3y mb of music mp3s which can all be moved to an external backup drive.

Woke up in San Juan, PR hotel
Breakfast: Banana, OJ from hotel complimentary breakfast
Purchased souvenir cap from PR airport since I left hat at home, and while I tend to deny that I don’t have a full head of hair, denial doesn’t change facts.
Plane ride in 8-seater to Virgin Gorda
Lunch: Banana Daiquiri, Fritters, salad with shrimp
Grocery shopping in town (not all meals are eaten out) Bought a little snack to contribute to a NYE gathering I will be attending. (No details, as I do wish it to be a surprise, but I suspect at least one reader of this blog will enjoy the contribution. No, Bob, I haven’t yet seen what you requested.)
Read a chapter of book that I received from my boss as a holiday gift: The Dead Travel Fast: Stalking Vampires from Nosferatu to Count Chocula, by Eric Nozum. So far it is a humorous, and informational read.
Dinner: Banana Daiquiri, 1/2 Jerk Chicken Wrap, 1/2 Mahi Mahi wrap (my brother-in-law had the other halves) Fries
Tested out the DSL connection at the villa we are renting.

Comment from an anonymous member of the family: “The cell phones work this year, the blackberries work, and we have DSL for the first time. We need to find a new island.”

Of course, for me, the DSL isn’t a connection to work I am trying to avoid. The DSL is a connection to friends and fun. I will only log on after the sun has gone down. But I won’t have a 1000 unread msgs this year when I get home.

I also won’t do this itemization every day.

I will spend some time this week at the last beach in this video

Of all the amateur vacation videos I’ve found on YouTube, this one does the best job of displaying VG in its fun and splendour. However, note, it is a 5 minute video, but after three minutes, when the screen goes black…it stays black…so you don’t have to watch the last two minutes, unless you really want to. I have no idea who the people are.

was taken with the built-in camera of an XO computer from the One Laptop Per Child project. It arrived today.

I leave town Friday morning.
I really should have begun packing tonight.
But there’s always tomorrow night.

Phil Ochs would have turned 67 today.

Hunger and Cold
By Phil Ochs

I’ve been all around your dirty old city.
Been all around your dirty old town.
I’ve slept in your alleys; I’ve slept in your subways.
Hunger and cold, they follow me down.

Chorus:
Hunger and cold, hunger and cold
I wouldn’t mind but I’m growing so old.
But as low as I am, you know I’m still a man.
And I wouldn’t mind but I’m growing so old.

Only last year I was rolling in money.
Only last year the good times would roll.
Only last year my friends were so many,
But only last year was so long ago.

(Chorus)

It’s all so easy to throw me in prison.
It’s all so easy to just walk on by.
But it’s not so easy to see a man hungry.
It’s not so easy to look in his eye.

(Chorus)

Yes there’s poison in my cheap rotten liquor.
There’s poison in every old garbage can.
But the worst kind of poison Is in your own brain
When you look at me and forget I’m a man.

Back in 2004, I learned I was in the Southwest quadrant of Politopia.

I am still in the Southwest quadrant, according to the Political Compass (nearby the Dali Lama and Mandela)

This graphic of where the Presidential Candidates fall

illustrates quite well, I think, why
1) I am not thrilled with most of the Democratic candidates
2) Why I am even less thrilled with the GOP
3) Why some people say they see no difference between the GOP and Democrats, and refer to the US as a Single-Party system in disguise.

I did this meme last year, might as well do it again this year.

Instructions:
List the first sentence from the first post for each month in 2007. Twelve sentences.

• I’m back.
• Imagine that.
• I don’t have a paraph.
• April is National Poetry Month.
• May 1, 1886 - Chicago - Haymarket Square.
• How did I miss this!
• Have you not heard of this website?
• Had a few minutes to spare this afternoon: If asked, I wonder how many people would guess the American League team that has gone the longest without finishing dead last.
• Happy Labor Day.
• Don’t watch this video if: 1) You are diabetic, and can’t handle extreme amounts of sweetness 2) You have a phobia of kittens.
• Back from SteaknShake a little earlier than I expected.
• There’s a major thematic correlation between Hanukkah and Thanksgiving

I still don’t have a paraph.
One line is actually the same from last year.
But that’s not the only repeated post I discovered doing this meme.

Since PAD confessed, I feel I should confess too.

Though his steroid usage was recent, mine was 21 years ago. Doctor prescribed. Nurse fed. I was almost completely paralyzed from the neck down, so it wasn’t like I could say no when they stuck the drugs inside my mouth.

I’m not paralyzed anymore. So, obviously, it must have been the steroids that did the trick.

I don’t recall lifting any buicks, or 37 hour marathons, but my access to buicks in the hospital to attempt to lift were sparse. What happened between me and my nurses I’d like to keep private.

I received an email a little earlier today:

Subject: John Newmark added you as a friend on Facebook…
Body: John added you as a friend on Facebook. We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, friends with John.

To confirm this friend request, follow the link below:
[link]

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

—
Yes, I have an account on Facebook.
No, I didn’t send myself a friend request.
I’m not *that* desperate.

My first thought was this was a spam message. I’ve gotten messages *supposedly* sent from myself before. But usually I want me to buy drugs in those messages, and usually I ignore them. Because I was taught to just say no.

So I didn’t click on the email link. Too risky, that. I just typed Facebook’s URL into my browser by hand. And voila - there was a friend request waiting for me. From myself. Though the picture next to my request didn’t look like me.

So I sent myself a message. Thought about quoting Admiral Stockdale. “Who am I and what am I doing here?” But I went for something a little more mundane.

We shall see how I respond.

(There are those who say that talking to oneself is ok, as long as you don’t answer. I might be in trouble.)

On the Eighth day of חנוכה YouTube gave to me eight nights of presents

Eight Crazy Nights! What would a YouTube חנוכה be without Adam Sandler?

But did you know there was an Aussie Punk version?

And what would a discussion of
חנוכה be without even a brief mention of the giving of presents?

As much as some do try to argue that there are traditional reasons why a family might exchange presents on the Jewish holiday - it is a festive occasion - the primary reason it is done is so the child doesn’t feel ‘left out’. One solution is to exchange presents on December 25th. That preserves the Jewish holiday to be celebrated with the appropriate traditions. Some consider this ‘giving in’ and since Hanukkah is about resisting forced assimilation, they do their best to resist. Are there any other choices?

This isn’t the best time to be providing options — everyone for this year has already made a decision — but there is always next year. Presents can be exchanged on any day of the year.

New Years used to be a traditional day for Christians to exchange presents. Most Jewish Americans celebrate New Years even though it’s the ‘Christian Calendar’, because it is also the secular calendar. If you asked me what day it is, I would tell you it is December 12th. I could tell you that with a second’s thought. I’d have to look up the day on the Hebrew calendar. (Thankfully, now my blog is a place to go for that.) I will be at a New Years Eve party getting sloshed this year, like most years. I don’t think this is unusual, but I have never lived in an Orthodox home, so I can’t say for sure.

In a novel I began writing several years ago I had a family come up with a somewhat more unusual solution. I’m not sure the novel will ever be finished, so I might as well release the idea here. It works best with a family of at least two children.

Rules:
1) Presents can be given any day of the month of December.
2) The gift giving is anonymous. The person giving the gift doesn’t sign their name to it. Leaves it where the receiver will find it, and know it is for them. This can be accomplished with pre-generated name stickers (so handwriting isn’t detectable) - or just leaving it on the individual’s bed, assigned chair at the dining room table, etc.

The smaller the family the more likely it is the children will be able to figure out who gave what, but if multiple smaller gifts are exchanged, or if extended family like aunts, uncles, cousins are brought into it, it will become more difficult. However, the point is to teach them the pleasures of giving for the sake of giving, without expecting any thanks in return. The ‘third’ rung on Maimonides ladder. Giving gifts to friends and relatives isn’t the same thing as giving tzedakkah (charity), but there is enough of a parallel. And by making the giving into a game, the giving becomes just as fun for the child as the getting.

At least, that’s the idea. I don’t know if it’s a good one. It hasn’t been tried to my knowledge. You’re free to try it next year. If you do, let me know how it works out.

Jewish kids return from Khanike party in NYC subway holding Menorah. Christian kids, wish them “Merry Christmas”. Jewish kids respond “Happy Khanike”. Christian kids, slightly confused, accuse Jewish kids of murdering Jesus on Khanike. Jewish kids “turn the other cheek.” Christian kids attack, but Muslim kid intercedes and stops beating.

PAD,
NYDailyNews

Back in 1993 KDHXtv filmed an open mic at the now deceased Wabash Triangle Cafe. It aired on a special on public access television in the city. I never saw it, and only heard rumors about it. No one I asked had a copy.

Until a few months ago. Someone I mentioned it to said, “Yes, I have a copy.” Only 15 years later. He created a DVD of just my performance.

The picture at the left is a screenshot from that performance. That’s me, 15 years ago, reading a poem on the stage of the Wabash Triangle Cafe.

On the seventh day of Hanukka YouTube gave to me seven sons refusing

The video above is of the song, Who Can Retell – which is probably the second most common religious song sung on Hanukka (second to Maoz Tzur). It contains the lyrics, “in every age a hero or sage came to our aid.” Many would label Judah Maccabee and his followers as the heroes of the Hanukka story. However, there are eight other heroes who occasionally get short shrift: Hannah and her seven sons. Her sons are known, not for what they did, but for what they refused to do, and at what cost.

There are two versions, however. In one version they are commanded by Antiochus to eat pork, and they refuse, one by one, eldest to youngest, each seeing their brother die for his refusal. In another version, they refuse to bow down.

The difference is important, because all but three of the 613 commandments are breakable “to save a life.” The three unbreakable commandments are 1) Murder. No one but G-d has a right to decide who should live and who should die. So killing one person so another can live isn’t permissible. This, of course, doesn’t include self-defense. Self-defense isn’t murder, and isn’t considered a violation of a commandment. However, this does include suicide. Killing yourself so someone else can live is deciding their life is more important than your own. Virtuous in some religions, this is viewed as usurping G-d’s role. 2) Biblically prohibited sexual relations. (There is some disagreement between branches of Judaism on which these are.) 3) Idolatry. (more)

The kosher dietary laws aren’t in that list of three. So if Antiochus commanded the children to ‘merely’ eat pork, shouldn’t they have done so to save their life? The answer is that some feel when the entire religious community is threatened, instead of just one individual, it becomes admirable to refuse to break any commandment. It’s the only time that martyrdom is actually encouraged.

Here’s a short poem I wrote about fifteen years ago, and which appeared in an early chapbook:

inferiority complex

Hannah’s seven sons sacrificed their lives
refusing to bow down
to King Antiochus.

Surrounded by the Romans nine hundred and sixty
men women and children ended their own lives
on Mount Masada.

I meanwhile have difficulty getting to the synagogue
more than two or three times a year and the dietary laws
are inconvenient.

Being the SF geek that I am, and my growing obsession with genealogy, I couldn’t help but giggle uncontrollably at this

On the Sixth Day of Janucá YouTube gave to me six muppets singing

Notes: The video actually contains four songs. The first one is six muppets singing about “What Do You Do with a Menorah?” This song is followed by “Latke Boogie Woogie” and “Spinderella”. In these two songs a few other muppets make an appearance. The original six do make a reappearance at the end in “Chanukah Blessing & Round.”

All four songs are really cute, and should be fun for kids. For a holiday without any ‘carols’ I’ve sure found a lot of fun songs on YouTube. t I wish they had existed when I was a kid. Or I wish I had known about them.

As near as I can tell from my internet research, ‘Janucá‘ isn’t just a possible Spanish spelling, it is the common Spanish spelling.

For those who may be worried…the end is in sight. I’ve picked out the videos for the last two days already. The notes could get long on both.

I have added a wordpress plugin today. It should be rather obvious to regular visitors.

Now all my readers can know how old the Earth is, according to the Jewish calendar. (Some say this is just the number of years of Mankind’s existence, and this assumption does make it, relatively speaking, more accurate, but it is still likely off a bit.)

The plugin can be found here.

On the Fifth day of Khanike YouTube gave to me five golden rings five torah books.

Notes: First, the spelling in the header may look real unusual, and you may think I made it up, but it is the spelling that the YIVO Institute for Jewish Research came up with as the ’standard’ transliteration for the Yiddish and Ashkenazic pronunciation of the holiday.

Second, I decided that today would be where the two holiday songs briefly merged. The one I am composing, if you will, and the original Christmas version. Because the Twelve Days of Christmas, as a song, may have a history that resembles some of Khanike’s traditions. Some say it originated in 16th century England during religious persecution as a sort of mnemonic device to teach catechism. (Others argue there is no hard evidence for this.) This is similar to the popular story that the dreidel originated in ancient times when the Syrian Greeks forbade the study of Torah. Alas, this origin story has been refuted as well.

The Five Gold Rings in the 12 Days of Christmas are supposed to represent the Five Books of Moses — which is the Torah. Khanike doesn’t appear in the Torah, it appears in the Book of Maccabees. (There is only one Book of Maccabees in the Jewish scriptures. Some non-Jewish scriptures have a second one.) This is why Khanike is considered a ‘minor’ holiday to some. Not minor in its importance, but since there are no Torah commandments relating to it, there are no required observances. One of the 613 commandments is that no additional commandments be written. So any holiday that commemorates events that occurred after the events in the Torah have no required observances/rituals associated with them. There are traditions, but that’s different. So there’s no requirement to rest from work, or to go to the synagogue during the eight days, except of course there is a requirement to rest from work on the Sabbath, and there is always at least one of those during any 8 days.

While Khanike isn’t in the Torah, the Torah is certainly important to Khanike, as the holiday centers around freedom to practice one’s religion.

The video choice contains the Miami Boys Choir singing a medley of two Khanike blessings, and three songs. It includes Maoz Tzur (Rock of Ages), which is probably the most popular religious song for Khanike. You can find several videos of different choirs singing this song, but I chose the Miami Boys Choir video for two reasons. 1) I felt the voices of the children were more uplifting then the voices of the adults in most of the other videos. 2) The song is completely in Hebrew in all versions, but this is the only video I saw that has subtitles, and I know a lot of my readers don’t understand Hebrew.

On the fourth day of Hannukah YouTube gave to me: Four dreidel sides

(three folk stars, two BNLs, and a lesson in the spelling)

Notes: A dreidel is a spinning top with four sides. Here’s what I wrote about dreidels three years ago. Contains variants on the game to balance out the odds, as well as ‘adult’ variants. Also explains what the Hebrew letters on the dreidel mean.

The video above is ‘interesting’ in that it’s a guy singing about playing with his dreidel all day long. And it never shows us a picture of what his dreidel looks like. If your mind is like mine, the song is hilarious.

Have a nice day

On the Third Day of Chanukkah YouTube gave to me three folk stars…

…two BNLs…and a lesson in the spelling.

Notes: This song, Light One Candle, was written by Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul and Mary. I feel some of its lyrics feel appropriate for Pearl Harbor Day as well.

Light one candle for the terrible sacrifice
Justice and freedom demand
But light one candle for the wisdom to know
When the peacemaker’s time is at hand
…
What is the memory that’s valued so highly
That we keep it alive in that flame?
What’s the commitment to those who have died
That we cry out they’ve not died in vain?
We have come this far always believing
That justice would somehow prevail
This is the burden, this is the promise
This is why we will not fail!

Count your geeks (How many different types of geek are you? Out of 56 possible, I found ten that I might qualify for.)

And of course, the classic Geek Hierarchy (The highest level I can claim is fifth)

Perfect follow-up to NaNoWriMo:

Attempt to write a 6-word short story.

Hemingway is supposed to have written: “For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn.” The above article lists several from a variety of Science Fiction authors. Here’s my first attempt:

Changing History

000001
“Eve, lose Adam.”

(And I added a title, which the other examples didn’t have, and still kept it to 6. Of course, like most of the examples that are presented in the article, the above just provides the teaser. Most people would want the story filled out a little bit.)

On the second day of hanuka YouTube gave to me…two barenaked ladies

Notes: One could argue there are more than two members of BNL, but there are two vocalists in this video.

The title and lyrics of the song say, “light the menorah.” Technically, it’s not a menorah that’s being lit. It’s a Hanukiah. A menorah has seven branches, one for each day of the week, and is lit on every Sabbath in most Synagogues. A Hanukiah has 9 branches - one for each of the eight days of Hanukkah, plus an extra one for a candle called the ’shamash’ that is used to light the other eight.

Outside of Israel, the Hanukiah became known as “the Hanukkah menorah”, which then got shortened to just Menorah, even though it became easily confused with the menorah used on the Sabbath.

By the way — I know what I’m posting tomorrow for the third day, but after that, I’m clueless. I’m confident I’ll find something, but I suspect I may be stretching a little to come up with videos for numbers 4-8.

On the First Day of Hanukkah, YouTube gave to me a lesson in phonetic spelling:

Notes: In Hebrew the spelling of the holiday is consistent. But Hebrew uses a different alphabet than English and all the Romance languages. So when going from one alphabet to another, you ‘transliterate’. That is, you spell the word phonetically using the letters of the new alphabet. However, there is no consistency in phonetic spelling — it’s just whatever feels right to the individual. Some spellings do get used more often than others, but none are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, and as the song humorously points out, in Spain, beginning the word with a ’silent J’, as in the name ‘Julio’, wouldn’t be ‘wrong.’ Unusual - yes.

Almost a month ago, Blair tagged me to fill out a meme.

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?

Ten Years Ago was 1997. I was enrolled in a degree program at Washington University, studying for a teaching degree. This doesn’t appear on my resume, but I didn’t complete the degree. I was also employed at AG Edwards and Sons. A year later, they offered to pay for my training in an entirely new career that sounded interesting, and paid better than I imagined I could earn as a teacher. So I jumped at the chance.

2. What were you doing one year ago?

I was laid off from AG Edwards in 2002. It took me a year to find a new career. I’ve been doing the same thing since. I’m a beggar. That’s right. I ask people for money. I tell them it goes to a good cause. The trick works. You do what you need to do.

3. What are five snacks you enjoy?

a. braunschweiger between two slices of cheese
b. beanie weenies
c. pepperoni pizza rolls
d. veal sticks
e. ham n beans

4. What are five songs you know the lyrics to?

a. Frosty the Snowman
b. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
c. Up on the House Top
d. You’re Getting Nothing For Christmas
e. Mele Kalikimaka

5. Five Things You Would Do If You Were A Millionaire

a. I would buy a Windows PC
b. I would buy a video camera
c. I would buy a chainsaw, an axe, and a box of matches
d. I would upload a video to YouTube
e. I would run for Congress on a very simple platform

6. Five Things Your Kids Have Taught You

I’m not a father, but I am an uncle.

a. Look cute when you ask for something
b. Temper tantrums rarely work
c. If you don’t know something, ask questions
d. Sarcasm is an inherited trait
e. There was an old lady who swallowed a fly.

7. Five Things You Like To Do

a) Wine tasting
b) Type on my computer and watch as letters hit the page, join forces with each other, forming words, sentences, thoughts, and ideas.
c) Read
d) Laugh
e) Fill out memes

8. Five Things You Would Never Wear

Those who have seen some of the things I’ve worn – with very little persuasion needed – might think this was an empty list. But I came up with five.

a. Nazi uniform
b. Any jewelry which would require me to pierce any body part below my nipples.
c. Or above them.
d. A banana
e. Nothing

9. Five Favorite Toys

a. Mr. Cuddles
b. Peggy the Pig
c. Charlie in the Box
d. Windup Mouse
e. Dizzy Top

10. Five Things You Hate To Do

a. throw anything away
b. admit I’m wrong
c. do the dishes
d. tell people things that aren’t true
e. mislead people

Who do I tag? I’ve chosen four.
Christy, Tempered Thoughts, Databob, and DL.

(Though none of these four should feel obliged if they feel the meme doesn’t fit well with their blog.)

Supposedly this photo was taken at a New York grocery.

I do give them some points for effort.

There’s a major thematic correlation between Hanukkah and Thanksgiving

167 years before the common era, Mattathias and several sons, including Judah Maccabee, revolted against the Seleucid ruler, Antiochus. This revolt, which lasted until 160 BCE, is commemorated every year in the holiday of Hanukkah. The success of the revolt, and the re-dedication of the Temple which had been desecrated by the Seleucids is celebrated. Like Thanksgiving, where Americans celebrate the hope and promise of the First Thanksgiving, and we save remembering what we did to the Native American population in the centuries that followed for other days — there is little discussion during Hanukkah about what happened later.

When Judah died, leadership passed to his brother Jonathan, and then it passed to their brother Simon. Judah, Jonathan and Simon were good leaders, but then the leadership of the Hasmonean Dynasty passed to the next generation. John Hyrcanus, the son of Simon, is known for forcefully converting the Idumeans to Judaism. Judaism is proud that there are very few times in our religion’s history that we forcefully converted anyone. This is one of those few sad times. When he died, leadership passed to his wife. However, their son, Aristobulus, wasn’t satisfied with High Priest, so he threw his mother into jail, and took leadership. At least he didn’t commit matricide, right? His reign lasted only a year, though, and he died a painful illness. (G-d works in not so mysterious ways sometimes.) He was succeeded, unfortunately, by a brother, Alexander Jannaeus. Alexander Jannaeus slew 6,000, starting a civil war that resulted in another 50,000 deaths, and this was a lot back then. He is considered so wicked a tyrant, that his death on the 2nd day of the Hebrew month of Shevat, in the Hebrew year 3685 (76 BCE), is recorded as a day of celebration.

2045 years later, to the day on the Hebrew Calendar, I was born. 2*(4+5)=18 (You were wondering what this was leading up to, weren’t you?) I can guarantee you that my parents had no idea who Alexander Jannaeus was, and I was not named after him, even though it is assumed that his Hebrew name was Jonathan. Last year my birthday on the Roman calendar coincided again with my birthday on the Hebrew calendar. I began writing this, but it fell by the wayside, and I didn’t complete it prior to my birthday. This year I am posting it prior to Hanukkah. My Hebrew birthday this year is January 9th.